Thursday, May 27, 2010

Stinky the Skunk

I am a skunk named Stinky and I would make a great pet! I'm house broken, I won't bark when a stranger comes to the door; I don't have stinky breath, and I will protect you with all that I have. Did you know that it is very stuffy in this glass cage on the outside of the pet shop? Pleeeeeaaaase buy me!!!! Don't listen to them! I wouldn't stink up your house, unless I don't get my food on time, if you step on my tail, or if I am trying to protect my toy bunny. You only have to cut my hair twice a day! I'm very young, and have no chance of dying anytime soon. No, I don't smoke, and I love children. In my earlier days I was a nurse. Oh, so you won't buy me? O.K., then asked for it! You won't like what I'm about to do! I'm going to lock you up in my cage and set off stink bombs 24/7!!! Bye, I hope you make the right decision in favor of this small, poor, sincere, honest, and loving homeless pet.

A Retelling of The Boy Who Cried 'Wolf!'

Once there was a shepherd boy. He lived on the outskirts of town and was responsible for 300 sheep. One day he decided to play a trick on the townspeople. He ran into the village screaming,"Help! Come quick! A wolf has got my sheep!" They came running with pitchforks, guns, and large sticks. When the arrived, the sneaky boy laughed uproariously and rolled on the ground. The villagers were disgusted and went back to their work in the fields. Another day, when all was peaceful, the boy played the same prank again. And once again, the townspeople fell for it. The boy laughed uncontrollably and eventually the villagers resumed their duties. Then, on a dreary fall day, a wolf crept into the flock and began killing all the lambs! When the shepherd boy saw this, he ran in great alarm to the village in which he begged," Please help! A wolf is killing all the sheep!" But the people exclaimed," Come on, we aren't that foolish! Do you think that we would fall for your escapades again? No!" Upon hearing this, the boy sank to the floor and began to cry. As a result of his pranks, he lost all of his sheep. This is what comes about when one lies.

Monday, May 17, 2010

War on People

I am a large turkey from North America, and I am going undercover for all species of animals, big and small. You see, we animals have decided to do war on people because they have been polluting our environment and taking our land. I have been chosen to sneak inside the city limits of New York and penetrate the powerful forces of the People. Duck! Here comes a car! Phew, that was a close one. I am now inside the city, and I am sneaking along the main highway. Okay, let's review the plan. So I dramatically throw myself into the main Pizza Hut and cry out pathetically. Then, make a poor attempt to stand, fail, succeed, and then stagger pitifully around the room. The People will then take me to a nearby hospital. After this, I will signal other animal spies to come, repeat the above, and end up in the hospital with me. After we have all of our spies in the city, we will start the war. Did I forget anything? Good, see you around!

Friday, May 7, 2010

Bow Wow Chow Dog Food

" I am Muffin, the famous Muff. Have you heard of me? Anyway, it is 9:00 and I have been to write this commercial for the Bow Wow Chow Dog Food Company. Here we go:
Bow wow wow bow wow wow, whuff whuff whuff. Arrr arrr arrr arrrr. Owwwwwwwww!!!!
Thanks folks, please take my advice FOR YOUR SAFETY!!! "

"Sorry folks, it seems that we are clean out of stock! Actually, at approximately 9:05 we had a stampede! Dogs, big and small, rushed out of their houses to the Bow Wow Chow Dog Food Company. One thing is for sure, whatever Muffin said sure convinced them! Have a good day folks!


by A. C. Monster
So I was swimming along just minding my own business when this hard thing came and whacked me on the head! I couldn't believe it! I looked back and can you guess what I saw? A so-called-extinct wide, hollow, floating stick with people in it! You see, I am a sea monster, and we haven't seen one of these since last winter. I guess they hibernate. O.K., it was getting pretty annoying! They were standing on their thingy yelling at the top of their voices, "AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" They were pretty scared about something. Hey, I didn't do anything! I decide that I would have to give them an extra push to get them on their way. Down the river they went, screaming the whole time. I don't know where they ended up, but one thing is for sure, they never came back.