the problem with "i can do anything"

I realized something recently.

For the most part, I grew up believing that I could be whatever I wanted to be. If I could dream it up, I could do it. And I followed that to college, where I'm studying Creative Writing and figuring out how to balance dreaming and working hard to make those dreams happen. It's going pretty well.

Except for one thing.  I think I'm invincible.  I operate like I can do anything and more importantly, everything, and that expectation makes it really hard to say 'no' to things. It makes it hard to take breaks, and it makes it hard to justify giving less than 100% at any given moment.

People...have been trying to explain this to me for a long time. If you're one of those people, you might be reading this post and saying "geez wow yay she's finally is starting to figure it out".  Yup. :) And thank you. Thanks to every single person who's ever told me to take a break, to slow down, and that I deserve rest. I know I've been...resistant. xD

What I've realized is this: I'm often told: "You can't do it all" or "You can't do everything". And my brain logically fires back that yes, I can do it all, what are you talking about.  It goes like this:

Me: *overwhelmed*
Person: wow, you seem overwhelmed. you should take a break.
Me: wat
Person: you're doing too much, pls stahp
Me: BUT NO I MUST DO EVERYTHING
Person: but no yeah i think you're doing too much
Me:
Me: no such thing

[repeat conversation for a decade, insert a new person every year or so]


I think I'm invincible.

And ironically, that's done me a lot of damage.  The thing is, humans are resilient. We adjust to pain, we survive against all odds – while we might suffer, we can go through a lot before we crash. My logic has always been that yes, I can do just about anything. I'm still alive and breathing, right?  I rarely find a limit, so I just keep adding stuff in as long as it fits into my obscenely busy schedule. As if time conflicts is the only limit. I keep saying yes to commitments, telling myself that I can do it, so I should.

Tonight I realized that there's a second part to the phrase "you can't do everything". That second, implicit half is vital.  

You can't do everything and be okay at the same time. 
You can't do everything and be peaceful.
You can't do everything and keep up your mental and physical and emotional health.
You can't do everything and stay passionate about it all.
You can't do everything without sacrificing something very important. 

I realized that if I'm not enjoying what I'm doing, all the sacrifices that happen to make it possible...aren't really worth anything. Maybe I'm blasting through each day with an insane level of productivity and success and ambition. But that kind of thing needs fuel. And if I'm not taking breaks, that fuel comes straight from other places, like my mental health.

So...yes. I can do everything. 

But not without making heavy sacrifices. 

I used to be okay with the side effects of a busy, constant life.  I wouldn't let depression, anxiety, or exhaustion be excusing for slowly down.  Now, I'm starting to realize that I don't want to sacrifice myself for this cause anymore. I want to be okay with resting. I want to find success and happiness in taking care of myself, instead of just reaching the day's finish line with the longest list of accomplishments.

I want to find balance.

–Caroline ♥

Are you invincible? In which parts of your life are you pushing yourself too hard?  Take a breath today. Maybe you can do 'everything', but that doesn't mean you should. No one is asking you to do that.