A Very Loud Introvert Post

After finally realizing that life wasn't going to stop and wait for me to write a blog post, I wrote a blog post.

*must get head around the idea that these things don't have to be 17 miles long and be the product of my own sweat and blood*

Right now, it's that time of night that the words are coming very quickly.  A time in which, if I were speaking aloud, it would be hard to tell that I am an an introvert.

I have a few revelations about introvertedness that are begging to be slapped onto a page. Or screen.

I am an introvert.
Easy enough.

Sometimes, introverts don't seem like introverts.  Also common sense.  (And the fact is, no descriptive personality word will ever eternally define a person.  Unless it's like, "human bean" - and even that's iffy sometimes...)

When two like-minded introverts enter into a conversation, they run the risk of becoming temporary extroverts.   Definitely not exaggerating here.  I'm talking like, shrieking, flailing, running in circles, loud arguing, heated debate, possibly exploding.  The possibilities are endless.  Now. Most of phenomena will occur because of a mildly aggressive attachment to a fandom.

I'm serious though.  When I start talking with an introvert friend, we almost always start /actually/ talking - instead of, you know, the "hiding behind a chair talking to the cat who's also and 'introvert'" talking.  We might even *gasp* interrupt each other...

For those of you who are MBTI nerds, two INFJs together can basically take over the world. xD ;)

I like talking about deep stuff.  And I cry as I do it.   So like, I love talking about myself.  Not in a narcissistic way or anything, but just, explaining myself.  It's like a one-sided therapy session with someone else present, an innocent bystander.  And deep stuff. I'd much rather skip over small talk and get to the juicy fandom stuff, the Jesus stuff, all that.

Often, however, as I talk about myself, something that's happened to me, struggles, strong beliefs...I sometimes randomly start crying.  Even with stuff that's not even that significant.  I've never known quite why, but tonight I had an idea....

I have a near-constant dialogue running in my head.  This is almost always fully functional (not to mention impossible to ignore).  BUT. There are some instances in which I forget there is a difference between my mind palace and the outside world...  Like when I'm reading.  (One reason reading is so calming to me - I can forget my own thoughts and just relax for once, enjoy a different world.)

The other is when I'm explaining something, especially myself, my thoughts, etc.  I think this is because when I do that, I have to look inside and bring out pieces to show the other person. In the process, I'm basically talking with my thoughts, instead of letting them get filtered through my mouth. It's weird how I literally forget to worry about their reaction, or have that dialogue going inside, constantly commenting on everything.  I just plow forward break down the walls in order to fully help them understand what I'm trying to say.

To some, this will make no sense. To that one person for whom I've just put into words something they've been trying to figure out for a while, you're welcome.  Let me know who you are.

I'm not sure why it's so important to me that they understand. - other than the obvious "human nature" part of it.  I think another part is that....it helps me understand myself.  When I talk like that, my thoughts are finally able to organize and form a coherent /thing/.  I have revelations as I speak.  (The other way, of course, is writing it down. But you know...the paper doesn't react as expressively as a person does.)  Huh. I wouldn't have necessarily thought that talking aloud would have been the best way for an introvert to solve their deepest, most difficult problems.  But apparently it does.

Premiere Exhibit A: This Blog Post.  Thank you folks.  You've just been the recipient of Caroline's explaining herself to you in order to explain herself to herself.

Now go explain something to another human bean and BE ENLIGHTENED.

Were you that one person who related with all this?  xD  DOES ANYONE UNDERSTAND?  What do you do to understand yourself?  When do you pretend to be an extrovert?