Honestly, I don't really know how to write about 2020.
Yeah, nope. I deleted the few paragraphs I wrote. Kinda hard to wrap up a year like 2020, when most of 2020's "claims to fame" didn't end when the calendar flipped. We've still got a world to protect, heal, and love. Pandemics, climate change, and social justice issues still exist and have existed for way longer than just this year. There was also a lot of lovely stuff that happened in 2020! I'm excited to keep carrying that on.
For this traditional wrap-up post, I gift you some random thoughts, book/song recommendations, and pictures of my plants from 2020. Mostly plant pictures, probably.
I had 65 houseplants last time I counted.
Last time I counted was in August, so I'm sure we've at least hit 70 by now.
New year doesn't always = change. I didn't feel a massive shift at midnight last night, like I sometimes do. It's been a weird week and I don't feel ready for a new year – I've been feeling like I have to prepare emotionally, get my goals or resolutions all ready – but years don't work like that. They come whether you're resolved or not.
Transitions (concrete or abstract) have symbolic power – but they're arbitrary. Months and years are just numbered patterns and at its best, the turn of the year is an energizing, refreshing reminder to evaluate our own individual rhythms.
What habits do you currently have? Are they working for you?
I spent a lot of quarantine building routines that brought contentment and excitement as often as possible – like a good sleep schedule, regular movement and meditation, and healthy intuitive eating! I got diagnosed with ADHD, learned a lot about the way my brain works, and continued taking care of myself as anxiety, depression, and COVID-19 got familiar with each other.
2020 was being surrounded and loved by so many people, albeit mostly virtually! It was practicing contentment and finding more peace inside. I learned how to make latte art, and did a lot of yoga. I baked like 47 loaves of banana and pumpkin bread? I spent days and days outside; I attended Zoom classes in my backyard and started my first garden! Countless months in quarantine brought my closer to myself and my amazing roommates.
And??? I came out to the world! I'm pan :) Read the whole Twitter thread here!
What do I want to do in 2021?? Just keep moving forward! I have momentum after building up all those routines in 2020; I don't need a major change right now. There's a lot of lovely stuff going on around me right now, and I just want to keep carrying on. 
2 0 2 0 I N A N U T S H E L L
reading goal: 35 books // actually read: 37 books! I met and beat my goal for the first time in a few years!
favorite book read: This is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone. Wow. This was gorgeous. Want to fall in love with a sapphic sci-fi time travel novel, written entirely in letter form? If I could make you read anything, it'd be this.
Notable mentions include Cemetery Boys by Aidan Thomas (incredible diverse compelling queer ghost YA), Bestiary by Donika Kelly (greek myth nature poety), and Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel (timely chilling post-apocalyptic pandemic fiction).
poets I got excited about: Mary Oliver (always), Andrea Gibson (also always), Donika Kelly, J. Jennifer Espinoza, Ross Gay, Claudia Rankine
places travelled: Estes Park, CO; Chattanooga, TN
hours of music listened to on Spotify: 847. Somehow, this is the EXACT NUMBER OF HOURS as last year. My most-listened-to song was "Upset" by Lauren Sanderson.
a large handful of my favorites music artists from this year: Sammy Rae, Lauren Sanderson, Mt, Joy, Ashe, Charlotte Lawrence, Orla Gartland, Daisy the Great, Noah Kahan, Snail Mail, Mallrat, Mitski, Phoebe Bridgers, Frankie Cosmos, Claud, Kacey Musgraves, King Princess, Julianna Zachariou, Alexander 23, Caroline Polachek, Chappell Roan, Billie Marten, Jack Johnson, dodie, Us the Duo, Novo Amor, Vancouver Sleep Company, Winnetoka Bowling League, The Howl and the Hum, Bryce Biship, Oh Wonder, Taylor Swift, Billie Eilish, EXES, IDER, Kehlani, The Greeting Committee, The Moldy Peaches.
If you want a running list of indie–folk–rock music recommendations, follow my "artists" playlist on Spotify (@cdmeek)!
this year in writing: I wrote a lot of poetry! I took a nonfiction class
I got published in:
Many thanks to the editors of these awesome journals!
I'm currently working with earthwords as a poetry editor. I also got to intern with Rescue Press over the summer, working with Marc Rahe's incredible poetry collection, Gravity Well. Read Sarah Elgatian's gorgeous review of it here (page 101)!
words for the year: nature. contentment. consistency. rest. grounding.
L O O K I N G T O W A R D S 2 0 2 1
reading goal: 35 books
mind: daily meditation and yoga practice
body: regular sleep cycle, daily movement (walk/run/etc),
learn more about cooking with herbs
creative: read poetry. write poetry. write other stuff. actually blog.
write a little something every day? who knows what might happen
Thanks for existing here with me this year,
Caroline
