Sometimes I Can't Handle a Blog

Sometimes, like in these last few months, I can't handle a blog.  Oops.  :P
I'm also a perfectionist and sometimes I don't write because I can't get it to say exactly what I want to say, in the way I want to say it.  So this is a post of me just talking and not worrying about that stuff.

I've had a really busy month or so, but I'm officially done with my junior year of high school and two weeks into summer.  I'm still trying to unwind from being so stressed, and I think today was one of the first days I really felt like it was summer, so yay!  That's probably why I'm here writing, actually. xD

I'm also freaking out about a conference that's happening in about two weeks.  Writing conference. In Minneapolis.  With HANNAH AND OLIVIA AND KATIE AND AIMEE AND EEEK.  It's going to be the literal best.

I've kinda taken a break from Labyrinth too, but that was restarted again today.  Still handwriting.  Word Count at about 27,000 words!!  About 180 pages in my notebook.  I got stuck cause I got to the middle part, which I never plot out, and consequently get stuck in each time, but I made progress today.  Sierra gave me the idea of plotting out some random/key scenes in the front, middle and end.  So I tried jumping ahead and doing some of that.  It's working well and I'm so excited to get back into it.  I've missed feeling like a writer.

ART ART ART I'M PLANNING ON DOING SO MUCH ART THIS SUMMER.  I'VE ALREADY START SOME.  One of the best things will be decorating this gorgeous guitar that broke at our church recently.  AAACCKKK.

Other dreams for the summer?  Working out more.  Getting my book "The Drawing in of Breath" into a library and a bookstore.  Performing at a First Friday's downtown on a street corner. :)

I've also started READING AGAIN.  Those of you who have known me for years know that I used to read about a book a day, on a good month.  Then, in the last two years, that number has gone down to one or none.  It's TERRIBLE AND CRYING.   But this last month, in the last few weeks of school, I demanded to find time to read and I did.  Now I'm reading about half a book to a whole book a day and it feels SO GOOD.



These are the books I've read this year so far.  13 out of my goal of 60.

How have you guys been doing lately?  What'd I miss?  Have you read any of these books?

*exit Caroline*

Haha, now I probably won't appear for like 58 more months xD

A Very Loud Introvert Post

After finally realizing that life wasn't going to stop and wait for me to write a blog post, I wrote a blog post.

*must get head around the idea that these things don't have to be 17 miles long and be the product of my own sweat and blood*

Right now, it's that time of night that the words are coming very quickly.  A time in which, if I were speaking aloud, it would be hard to tell that I am an an introvert.

I have a few revelations about introvertedness that are begging to be slapped onto a page. Or screen.

I am an introvert.
Easy enough.

Sometimes, introverts don't seem like introverts.  Also common sense.  (And the fact is, no descriptive personality word will ever eternally define a person.  Unless it's like, "human bean" - and even that's iffy sometimes...)

When two like-minded introverts enter into a conversation, they run the risk of becoming temporary extroverts.   Definitely not exaggerating here.  I'm talking like, shrieking, flailing, running in circles, loud arguing, heated debate, possibly exploding.  The possibilities are endless.  Now. Most of phenomena will occur because of a mildly aggressive attachment to a fandom.

I'm serious though.  When I start talking with an introvert friend, we almost always start /actually/ talking - instead of, you know, the "hiding behind a chair talking to the cat who's also and 'introvert'" talking.  We might even *gasp* interrupt each other...

For those of you who are MBTI nerds, two INFJs together can basically take over the world. xD ;)

I like talking about deep stuff.  And I cry as I do it.   So like, I love talking about myself.  Not in a narcissistic way or anything, but just, explaining myself.  It's like a one-sided therapy session with someone else present, an innocent bystander.  And deep stuff. I'd much rather skip over small talk and get to the juicy fandom stuff, the Jesus stuff, all that.

Often, however, as I talk about myself, something that's happened to me, struggles, strong beliefs...I sometimes randomly start crying.  Even with stuff that's not even that significant.  I've never known quite why, but tonight I had an idea....

I have a near-constant dialogue running in my head.  This is almost always fully functional (not to mention impossible to ignore).  BUT. There are some instances in which I forget there is a difference between my mind palace and the outside world...  Like when I'm reading.  (One reason reading is so calming to me - I can forget my own thoughts and just relax for once, enjoy a different world.)

The other is when I'm explaining something, especially myself, my thoughts, etc.  I think this is because when I do that, I have to look inside and bring out pieces to show the other person. In the process, I'm basically talking with my thoughts, instead of letting them get filtered through my mouth. It's weird how I literally forget to worry about their reaction, or have that dialogue going inside, constantly commenting on everything.  I just plow forward break down the walls in order to fully help them understand what I'm trying to say.

To some, this will make no sense. To that one person for whom I've just put into words something they've been trying to figure out for a while, you're welcome.  Let me know who you are.

I'm not sure why it's so important to me that they understand. - other than the obvious "human nature" part of it.  I think another part is that....it helps me understand myself.  When I talk like that, my thoughts are finally able to organize and form a coherent /thing/.  I have revelations as I speak.  (The other way, of course, is writing it down. But you know...the paper doesn't react as expressively as a person does.)  Huh. I wouldn't have necessarily thought that talking aloud would have been the best way for an introvert to solve their deepest, most difficult problems.  But apparently it does.

Premiere Exhibit A: This Blog Post.  Thank you folks.  You've just been the recipient of Caroline's explaining herself to you in order to explain herself to herself.

Now go explain something to another human bean and BE ENLIGHTENED.

Were you that one person who related with all this?  xD  DOES ANYONE UNDERSTAND?  What do you do to understand yourself?  When do you pretend to be an extrovert?

pens need more stamina

Flash post update: Life is dizzyingly busy and my Black Ink Pens are dropping fast.

Writing Labyrinth by hand is really taking a toll on the Black Ink Pen population.

In other news, my friend let me borrow his quill pen and ink, so I am kept occupied. For now.

4 gone in a week. RIP faithful ones.

Anyone else have this problem?

Story Behind the Title: The Drawing in of Breath

You might have heard of our book and wondered about the title.  "It's about breathing?"  "How can you draw wind - it's invisible!"  Hehehe...well, I'm glad you asked. 

Earlier this week, my friend Skyler and I published our first book together, The Drawing in of Breath!  It was quite a wonderful experience.  

Um. Maybe we freaked out. 

Wow, though, this whole process has been great and fun and long and so worth it!  We're really excited to share this one with you.

This book is largely about inspiration.  Most of the poetry and stories contained aren't about it, but the book itself is centered around the idea. 

How many times have you sat and wished for inspiration?

Skyler wrote a blurb for the book: "Breathing. A constant among the living. Inspiration. A craving of humanity. We take these concepts and pour ourselves into them. Breathing in our uncertainties and our insecurities. Exhaling words of promise and assurance. We live in these words. Throughout this book you will find humor and sadness. Security and salvation. Apathy and sympathy. You'll find our hearts and souls spilled onto this paper.  We hope that someone will be inspired."

The Drawing in of Breath is about inspiring others, and it is also about our own inspiration.  Life. Love. Belief. Questions.  

What inspires you?

For a long time, I thought inspiration was something that came in bursts, and sometimes not at all.  It was a spark that ignited my creativity and motivation, something that drove me to stay up late into the night, that made me grip my pen until I couldn't let it go.  

But more often, it was absent.  Elusive.  I'd sit in its not-presence and wait.  It's hard to write without inspiration.  It's hard to make art, or live life, or laugh, without something to inspire it.

And then I read a blog post by the wonderful Emily Tjaden, who showed me the definition of inspiration.

Google it.

The second entry is literally: "the drawing in of breath; inhalation."  What does this mean?  It means that inspiration isn't as fleeting as we often think.

Inspiration, to the human soul...is as natural as breathing.  

It is constantly there with us, the fiber of life, throughout our day.  Inspiration can come in different ways - we may not always feel that wonderful spark - but there is always something to keep us going. 

This life is so vibrant.   So breathe!  Draw in a breath and hold tight to the knowledge that you are and will always be "inspired".  Put the pen to paper, open your mouth, take the book off the shelf - whatever you do to create - and start.  Don't wait for inspiration.  It is already here.  

You can order The Drawing in of Breath for $9.99 here on Amazon: 

 http://www.amazon.com/Drawing-Breath-Caroline-D-Meek/dp/1519163193/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1457749136&sr=8-1&keywords=the+drawing+in+of+breath

Alternatively, if you live in the Kansas City area, let me know you want one, and I'll hand-deliver it next time I see you, signed and all!

Have an inspired week, everyone! :)

Do you ever feel like you're without inspiration?  What inspires you?

When Your Heart Has Fallen Away From Your Mind

I'm going to be very honest.  I've been distant lately.

Unsure.

Tired, stressed...running circles in my head with the questions I have.  Like my friend Carlyn wrote about, I've been feeling passive.  Very shallow in my life.  Physically and mentally exhausted.  Emotionally nonexistent, sometimes. The problem goes deeper - I can't figure out why, and then I don't have enough strength in me to get up and do something about it.  

For a while, I've had an intense internal conflict - good vs. bad.  My mind can't seem to decide whether it wants to be happy or sad.  So I'll sit there, weighing the choices, feeling like I should be happy but not quite wanting to.  

I've been reminded that self-pity can be dangerous.  It's so true, and I suddenly remember how much I feel sorry for myself.  Upset, regretful. Wanting people to see and care. It makes it worse though - it lets the negative side win.  When I let myself think or talk about feeling down, it reinforces those emotions and thoughts.  It's a hard habit to break but I want to try.  Annabel suggested helping others, and she's so right.  I feel most connected to God these days when I'm talking to other people, encouraging them...

I think I've reached the bottom of it, the main problem.  Because my head tells me I'm broken and that it's terrible and tragic.  But my heart won't hear.  It won't choose to care...and I don't know how to piece the parts back together. I believe that's the essence.  My heart has been separated from my head and...I can't breathe.  

The nerves don't transfer things like they used to, and my head can't remind the heart whatever I believe in and love.  I am quite literally broken in half.  Two parts of myself - which one has the strength to fuse everything back together?  Neither, I'd have to say.  Like so often, I think I need help from above.

But here, more questions arise.  Where do I find the voice to call for help?  Where do I find the balance?  Do I even have to call?  Do I just sit here and accept that I'm in a "dry place" and can't feel much right now?  Do I work blindly through until something sparks?  Or do I build a wood stack and wait for lightning to strike?

As I write this, the last option seems the most true.  I need to move.  I can't stay here.  This dark, thin place is not a place for staying.  God, I know I can't light that fire in myself. I can't tie my heart strings back to my head.  Build a wood stack and wait for lightning to strike.  I bring the firewood; make things ready, spend time with you; wait.  You bring the spark.  I just have to trust that the cycles of nature that move mountains can make it rain, too.  

I've also realized that I have made "work" a massive idol.  Homework, self-assigned deadlines, personal projects and goals - they have become my world.  I shed tears over them, worry about them, put my life and heart on hold for them.  Indefinitely?  I've taken this idol and tied it to my heart like an anchor and thrown it into the ocean.  

And it is oh so hard to drag it back up out of the water again.  It's been buried in the sand at the bottom, made normal and engrained in my life, so much that I forget why I do it. Why I keep heaping sand on the pile, keeping the idol secure there in my ocean like it's a lifeline.  But really, it's like I'm throwing dirt on my own grave.  

I must find a way back up.  To get out of this sluggish water, so I can breathe properly again.  Cut the strings, Jesus - tie them back to you.  Call back my heart and my head.

I understand the battle better now.  The constant decision between joy and sorrow.  For my heart and mind have been separated, and I've blocked the glue that's supposed to hold them together.  I thought I could hold my head up, leave it on the surface like a bobber to mark my position, so that everything looked fine - then go exploring with my heart.  I thought I could take a small stroke down into the ocean, away from the light - just for a moment - to see the bottom, to explore.  I guess...I took more than one small stroke.  

Over these months - maybe a year - I've dived down deep.  Found an idol down there and tied my heart to it.  (The glue would stretch, right?)  I sunk lower and lower.  Funny thing was, I thought I was going up.  Perfect grades, good friends, a busy and successful life.  Sounds good.  Healthy.  These are great things.  It was easy to believe that I was going towards the light when I threw my heart at them.  

But ignore the late nights.  Ignore the stress and irritation.  Close your eyes to the tears, because these are just side effects.  Just tiny inconveniences, not long term, that must be overcome.  Until they started to disable me.  Too tired, too stressed.  Working harder to keep up with the "standards".  If I complete my to-do list, I'll finally feel good.  Then I can be happy, carefree.  But until then, just gotta plug through. 

And then I just couldn't. I got to a point where I physically and mentally could no longer maintain the demands I'd built up for myself.  I simply couldn't keep playing the deadly game, courting the idol.  There reaches a point for every human being at which they realize that they are not invincible.  The longer it takes, the harder it hits.  Not that I had exactly been thinking I could do everything....but I hadn't hit a limit yet.  

So my heart finally broke away.  I was so tired, depressed, and without hope.  I'd gotten pretty far down into that ocean before realizing I was going the wrong way.  (And I know I saw it before this point...I just couldn't let go yet.  I didn't have the strength to try to reject the idol.  It was so heavy.)  It was pretty hard to breathe down there.

I think God caught my drifting heart and ripped the string off.  The fake-anchor-idol is beginning to fall away.  And it hurts.  It hurts when he does that. I've been grasping at that still-sinking idol for the last two weeks, even as God pulls me gently back towards the surface.  It's hard to let go of a "life".  But that wasn't a "life" worth living.  

My heart needs to be connected to my head.  I need to have feeling there that matches with my thoughts, that makes sense.  That is deep and rooted in faith.  There will always be battles - both within me and outside - and I want to have my head on my shoulder and my heart nearby.  I don't want to worry so much, work so much...I want to rest more, enjoy more.  Stop letting "work" be my priority.  There is so much more to life...

I learn as I write.  It's one of the main reasons I do it.  My heart is often changed by the end of it.  Earlier in this post I asked God to cut the string.  To light my fire wood with an electric spark. To make it rain, because I wasn't feeling anything and a good rainstorm might feel good to the skin.  I wondered how I could ever find the voice to call out for help, and how to balance waiting and trying.

I think he's already cut that string now though.  The climax of the last few weeks could be equated to the pain and danger a diver goes through when rising back to the surface from a very deep place.  It's dangerous.  If they rise too fast, it could be fatal, so they have to do it in stages.  Life is dangerous.  I've been moving up, back....so slowly, to someplace with more light.  God's started something in me.  I believe he will continue it.  I guess it's time to start swimming now.  

~Love you all! 

Caroline M

What are you anchored to right now? What is God using to call you closer to him?

Get to Know Me Tag

I've been tagged in a Get to Know Me Tag by the wonderful, heart-breaking, amazing Sierra Abrams.
I'm tagging Katie and Olivia!

Here we goooo.... :)

VITAL STATS
Name: Caroline Davies Meek
Nickname: Care Bear, Caro, Carolina, Cocoa...a few more xD
Birthday: September 8, 1998
Place of birth: Kansas
Star sign: Virgo
Occupation: Author & Student
APPEARANCE
Hair color: Light brown/carmel - although I've always wanted to try dying it darker!
Hair length: About to my elbow
Eye color: Blue-gray - like Annabeth Chase, to my immense delight
Best feature: My eyes? :)
Braces: A few years ago
Piercings: Sadly, I'm extremely allergic so no....but sometimes I wear the little metal cuffs on my upper ear.
Tattoos: Nope!  Maybe one day, something small.
Righty or lefty: Righty!
FIRSTS
Best friend: Annabel Sears.  Still my BFFFFFF, even if she lives across an ocean. <3 span="">
Award: I think I got an award in like 4th grade for memorizing a bible verse each week in my youth group. :)
Sport: Volleyball!  Co-captain of my high school varsity team now, as setter and outside hitter.
Real holiday: Honestly, I'm not sure...probably a family trip to Branson, MO with cousins!
Concert: I went to Winter Jam last year, and it was great!  That's the only one so far. xD
FAVORITES
Film: I LOVE the Princess Bride.
TV Show: SHERLOCK. <3 a="" also="" nbsp="" once="" span="" time.="" upon="">
Color: Blue! It's always been blue.
Song: Ummm....this is too hard.  I love "The Call" by Regina Spektor.  That's one of my many favorites. ;)
Restaurant: I love Five Guys, if we're talking fast food.  
Shop: Any bookstore. <3 span="">
Books: Welp, this is even harder.  *considers leaving it blank*  Umm, The Hunger Games, Harry Potter, Dancing on the Head of a Pen (review soon to come!), the Eragon series....and on and on...I have a whole bookshelf for my favorites, so...
Magazine: Don't really read many of these.  I do sometimes like science-y ones though!
Shoes: Anything comfortable.  Preferably fuzzy boots.  Or just plain fuzz.
CURRENTLY
Feeling: Tired, mildly accomplished for doing a blog post, and EXCITED ABOUT THE PROOF COPY OF THE DRAWING IN OF BREATH THAT CAME IN THE MAIL YESTERDAY.
Single or taken: Taken!
Eating: Because of this question, I remembered I was hungry.  So now, I'm eating chocolate cheesecake. <3 span="">
Thinking About: What I'm currently doing.  And all the things I soon have to be currently doing.
Watching: My dog chase ALL THE BIRDS in the backyard.
Wearing: Sweats and a tee shirt!

FUTURE
Want children: Yeah, I think so.
Want to be married: Yes, if God wills it. 
Careers in mind: Writing. (and can I get paid for reading) And writing. Basically that.  And other art stuff.  Maybe I'll start a bookstore.  And edit stuff.  Or be a literary agent.  And write.
Where you want to live: I don't know.....someplace where it isn't cold all the time.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN
God: Yes!
Miracles: Yeah. :)
Love at first sight: I don't think you can love someone the moment you see them, but you could definitely like them a lot! xD
Ghosts: No? Not really.
Aliens: I don't think so?
Soul mates: Mhm, not exactly sure...I believe God has someone for me though, if that's what this means.
Heaven: Yes!
Hell: Yes.
Kissing on the first date: Nope. Wait. Lol :)
Yourself: Yes, because God is good and gives me strength. (I just left Sierra's answer here, cause it's perfect and I agree.)

Thanks for tagging me, Sierra!!

The Sound of My Thinking Tag (and The Army of Notebooks Who Stand at Attention)

Introducing...The Sound of My Thinking Tag!  For deep thinkers, wild thinkers, loud thinkers, abstract thinkers, absent-minded thinkers, and beyond!

Rules:
1. Grab the graphic above
2. Stick it in a post about your thoughts: thought process, deep thoughts, trains of thought, imaginary worlds...(don't forget to include a copy of these rules).  You can personify your Brain, have a conversation with it...the possibilities are endless.
3.Then tag other friends to do the same and thank the person who tagged you!

To start off, I'm tagging Olivia, Carlyn, Sierra, Cait, Hannah, Katie, Cait, Krissy, Maddy, Victoria, and Olivia. (although if you like the idea and aren't tagged, tag yourself!)  I can't wait to see your posts - post a link in the comments if you wish!

On to my post...

My thinking can be pretty loud.

Sometimes I don't hear other people talking because I'm so busy talking to myself.  My family can attest to this.  Whether it's nervous-thinking, deep-thinking, wondering-thinking...it gets in the way of out-loud-talking.

(That animal is almost as adorable as that chinchilla. Eep.)

Real life example:  I was getting lunch at the cafeteria last week and the lady said something and I nodded.  Then my brain went on a tangent while she said something else.  I didn't quite hear, so my brain just told me "oh, she just repeated herself."  So I just said "yeah" and nodded again.  Turns out she was asking for my lunch number and "yeah" wasn't a viable answer.

Ever walked into an elevator and then stood there for a full silent minute after the doors close, forgetting to push the button?  Because you were staring at the inspection certificate and playing out an entire scene in your head?  Because the certificate had expired 12 years ago and what if the elevator crashed and what would I do.  I mean you.  Because this is a totally hypothetically situation.  Who would do that, right?  (Me.)  Wait what?

My Brain when I tell it to stop overthinking, thinking-about imaginary-lands-and-ignoring-this-one, thinking-out-the-box, or even just plain thinking:

Then we're not even going to go into what happens at night.

(Okay, maybe we are.) BUT THERE ARE JUST SO MANY IDEAS!  I know brain, that's what daylight is for.  BUT THE BEST IDEAS COME AT NIGHT!  True, true, you have a point...*wrests mind back into control*  There's one fail-safe way to tell if I haven't been sleeping enough: I fall right to sleep.  Lately, I've been quite sleep deprived, so I haven't had too many night strikes from the Brain.  But I'm aware...I'm quite aware (literally, conscious for longer than I should be), when I have been getting enough sleep.

*cue endless writing sessions at ungodly hours*

I keep multiple notebooks at my bedside, for such occasions.  There's the Big Blue General Ideas Notebook, a five-section, gorgeous hunk of paper.  There's the Small Decorative Prayer Journal.  There's the Secret Notebook, whose contents are not to be named.  There's the Bucket List Notebook...which I think I started like a year ago and then haven't written in since...it's still there though. I think.  There's the Advice Notebook.  There are the multiple "I Want to Learn This Foreign Language So I'm Going to Start a Notebook For It, Use About Ten Pages of It, Then Forget About It" Notebooks.  Greek. Nepalese. French. Penguin.  Notebooks for codes I've learned and invented.

The Current Army of Notebooks

Under the bed are the Endless Archives of Notebooks, dating at least 8 years back.  That box is getting full...I must remind myself to get a bigger box.

Bonus: Fluffly Dog posed in my photo shoot, free of charge!

And not to be forgotten, the Empty Notebooks, whom I stockpile in anticipation of, I don't know, the Upcoming Paper Famine.  Always be prepared, folks.

I shouldn't have to mention the pens that go in hand for these ventures.

Aren't they beautiful? *sobs*

But seriously, to give credit to my Brain, much of my best thinking does happen at night.  And then while I sleep....same story.  Often times I spend hours in the morning trying to separate my dreams from reality.  It gets sticky.  I have to ask people if I actually owe them chocolate, or that was just a dream, etc.  (Not that I plan to give away any chocolate anyway...)

During the day, it doesn't stop.  I'm always thinking.  And sometimes I wonder, is it possible to not think?  Can people turn their thinking off and not analyze everything?  Do some people just go through their days, not having excess thoughts about every Sidewalk Acorn they step on?  (If you are one of these fascinating, hypothetical people, I'd love to hear from you.  What is it like, the silence?)  Any opinions on this?

Sometimes the noise is overpowering, harmful, confusing.  It sucks me into a hurricane of thinking, wherein I go in circles for extended periods of time.

But in the brighter times, when I'm not being dragged in circles or failing to hear what someone's saying to me, my thoughts are my dear friends.  I don't know what I'd do without their counsel.  It's a place to go when I'm bored.  I love thinking deeply, especially on paper.  I love thinking logically, hypothetically.

I love dreaming - both at night and during the day.

What are your thoughts like?  Do you ever get lost in them? 

Who else hoards notebooks and ponders acorns?

(.......who doesn't......??)

:)

For the Love of....Everything.

My word for 2016: Love

I've seen a lot about choosing a word for the New Year, (even though I know this is really late, just as my last post was)...  God's been teaching me a lot about love recently, and I think the idea can be applied to many parts of my life.  So, I chose the word Love! There are a lot of things I want to do this year.  I'm going to try and do them.  But I want to make sure that I'm doing them because I enjoy them, not because I've made them mindless tasks.  

I want to read books and LOVE them.  Write books and LOVE them.  LOVE the life that I have.

It won't always be a lovely time, but at least I can always try to love.  I also want to love people.  I've seen in the last few months how God chooses people to put in your life for the times in which you need them the most. I LOVE that.  And loving other people so often opens many doors for this to happen.  

I'm going to love people by sending them random, handwritten letters.  Facebook messages.  Giving them hugs.  I want to become a bit more bold in my relationships with people, and be a stronger example of God's love.  It's amazing how much these little things can impact us so much.  And most of all, I want to love God.  Before anything else.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Do you have a word for this year?  How do you show people love?

What's Up With Words in 2016?

When I was typing this post, I wrote 2014 in the title....

My first resolution is to stop write the date from two years ago.  To write at least 2015.

Beyond that....

This post is extremely late.  It is FEBRUARY ALREADY.

Oh well.  In my writing club last week we talked about writing related goals (as well as said farewell-for-now to a dear friend, Sophia) and I thought it be a great time to belatedly link up to Cait's blog, Paper Fury and Sky's, Further Up and Further In!  They host the Beautiful People meme every month.

Without further ado...some things I wish to do.

(other than rhyming my headings)

1. What were your writing achievements last year? 

This is a great questions, and something we don't always appreciate enough.  It's always - "what am I going to do this year?" - but we gotta remember to focus on the amazing things we did last year too!  In 2015, I published an anthology written by my amazing writing club!  I started handwriting a novel.  I presented at BreadKC!  with the wonderful Vanessa for a grant for said writing club, and even though we didn't win, it was still a powerful and fun experience (as well as nerve-wracking).  I took a few writerly friends to the Midwest Parent Educator's conference (resources, curriculum, and books for homeschoolers!) and sold our anthology and other tree slabs. :)  OH.  I keep forgetting, but my article on the importance of the arts in schools was published by the Kansas City Star (the main local newspaper)!!!  That was huge for me - the first writing of mine that has been published (apart from self-publishing).  As much as I was busy and neglected writing/blogging/reading/basically everything, I can't say I did nothing in 2015, and that's always good to remember.

2. Tell us about your top priority writing project for this year?

LABYRINTH!  I started handwriting this novel (more on that later) at the very end of the year, and made it my goal to write the whole thing in 2016.  LABYRINTH is (to put it simply)...words.  To put it complexly, it's an alternate history of a Greek myth, with elements of dystopia and high fantasy.  

3. List 5 areas you’d like to work the hardest to improve this year.

• Blogging, for sure.  In the 6+ years I've had this blog, I've never been able to get into a good rhythym of posting consistently. Hopefully this changes. (I'm optimistic, because this is the second post in 2 weeks, keeping on track with a-post-a-week.) xD
• Editing!  Go East on No Road was finished 2 years ago and Olivia and I never really got into editing it. I'd love to finish that.  Also, just editing my work in general. I do a lot of editing for other people, but I find it hard to edit my own stuff.
• Submitting to literary journals, etc.  I want to get something pieces polished up and sent out to be seen!
• Character development.  Ugh.  I struggle a lot with knowing who my characters really are.  A lot of times, I'll have good, rounded side characters, but totally forget that my main characters are people too...if you have a life-changing or even semi-helpful post on this, PLEASE COMMENT.
• Learning more about the writing craft.  I want to read more books, articles and posts about writing tips, and just bring more of the writing life into my own.  (Again, if you have or know of posts like these, comment shamelessly!)

4. Are you participating in any writing challenges?

I'm doing the Year-Long Writing challenge start by Will Cloud, challenging us to write 400 words (a page) a day, although I'm only following it loosely.  Mainly, I've challenged myself to write every single morning.  Even if it's only 10 measly words.  I just want to try and stay in my story-world and even when I'm busy, not forget about my babies. 

5. What’s your critique partner/beta reader situation like and do you have plans to expand this year?

I've never really been a beta reader for any books, until now!  I'm currently a beta for Sierra Abrams' "The Color Project", Kara Swanson's "The Girl Who Could See", and Savannah DeBudge's "A Warning to All Writers".  This is an exciting new adventure for me.  At the moment, I'm not going to take on any more WIPs, but I probably will later on this year.  No one is currently a beta for my work, because there is nothing polished to that point.......soon though, hopefully!

6. Do you have plans to read any writer-related books this year? Or are there specific books you want to read for research?

I don't have any specifics (comment if you do!), but I definitely want to start reading some more writing-related books.  One book I read last year, "Dancing On the Head of Pen", by Robert Benson (I'll post a review of this later), was PHENOMENAL and totally inspired me in so many ways.  I would absolutely recommend it for any artist, not just writers.

7. Pick one character you want to get to know better, and how are you going to achieve this?

This would be my main character in Labyrinth, Kaura.  Doing some character chats would probably be smart, as well as stalking Pinterest boards and making lists.  Also, paying attention to what she's thinking as I write, and maybe doing some 1st person scenes with her on the side.

8. Do you plan to edit or query, and what’s your plan of attack?

Gonna try to edit Go East.  Possibly query some short stories - at the very least, submit some flashfics.

9. Toni Morrison once said, “If there’s a book that you want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it.”  What are the books that you want to see more of, and what “holes” do you think need filling in the literary world?

I'd like to see more inspiring books, book that make me want to jump up and do something, whether it's by the beauty of the writing, or the content therein.  Also - wildly creative books - ideas that make you just stand there and attempt to pick your jaw up off the ground.  So...I'll be working on that. ;)

10. What do you hope to have achieved by the end of 2016?

I want to have the first draft Labyrinth finished and (fingers crossed) edited!  Then maybe I can get some betas...  I also want to finish editing the first draft of Go East.  Finally, I hope to have at least one thing accepted for publication somewhere, whether it be a flashfic, short story, poem, etc.

(I didn't actually expect to answer all 10 questions) *pats self on back* 

Well, after that post, I think I am quite /resolved/.  

What are your resolutions for 2016?  Share your most proud accomplishment from 2015!  Who's helped inspire you this past year?  

Blog Lovin'

A piece of news...

Anyone on Blog Lovin'?  I've just discovered it and added "Of Stars and Ink-Stained Things" is now on there for you to follow!  Tell me if your blog is on there and I'll follow you too!  Because it looks awesome and I do love blogs.

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THE BEACONS ARE LIT AND I CALL FOR AID FROM THE BOOKWORM NATION

The beacons are lit, Aragorn is a wonderful human being, and I have decided I need to read more books this year - and I need your help!

Once upon a time, Mini-Caroline averaged 20-30 books EVERY MONTH.  Now, I can't honestly say whether or not I even read 30 in the whole of 2015.  That is tragic to me.

I guess I've just gotten so busy and all that I've let it slip away too much.  I don't get pulled into books so much like I used to, and reading isn't the thing that I instantly turn to as soon as I'm finished with a chore.  (Anyone in the same boat?)  This has to change!  

I want to live in those worlds, be intoxicated by that beautiful book-smell, and take in words till my eyes get that dizzy feeling - you know, where you finally look up from a book and you see the walls of your house and you're like, wait, I don't live in a house - where's my hobbit hole? OMG TOTO I DON'T THINK WE'RE IN KANSAS ANYMORE (which is ironic 'cause I actually do live in Kansas).  And when you finally realize that Middle Earth isn't actually your native land of birth and the current President's last name isn't Snow....you just open that book again and keep reading 'cause the truth hurts too much.  

I want more books on the menu, more towers of books besides my already-overflowing shelves...

Actually, no - not want:

Basically, this is me and my reading diet at the moment:

Aaaaaaaand my optimum state of bookworm-ness:

What I'd like an average day to look like:

Now, I realize that it's not possible to read every single book at my library TODAY.  (That's why we have "tomorrow", right?)  But still, I think it's time to get back into the habit of trying.

AND HERE COMES THE CALLING FOR AID PART

I need a longer TBR (to be read) list.  

I read fantasy, mystery, sci-fi, contemporary, dystopia and some classics, for the most part.  Mostly PG-13, if books were rated (that should be a thing), not heavy on sexual or mature content.  ;)  

Right now, I'm in the middle of this wonderful book by Kate Morton, The Lake House.  

Past favorites have included the Hunger Games, The Mysterious Benedict Society, The Westing Game, anything by Agatha Cristie, Paper Towns (JUST JOHN GREEN IN GENERAL), Harry Potter, The Name of the Wind, Eragon, Jane Eyre, and so on....

Right now, I want something that will hook me, hard.  Stuff that's not terribly hard to read, due to my busyness.  The old greats.  The new greats.  Books that have impacted you, inspired you.  Especially books that make you laugh or cry.  I can count on one hand the books that have made me cry, so bonus points to you if you find another!  

NOW: HIT ME WITH SOME BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS!

Many thanks, my beautiful worms.

 (...that sounds slightly weirder when it's not 'bookworms')

Can you relate to my reading crisis?  What's the last book that made you cry?  How many books do you average a month/year?  Do you ever get a strong urge to take buy baby carrots in bulk tape them in geometric shapes to your door? (I don't, but I've always wanted to put a totally random question in here to see if anyone reads this...) and lastly, FOR GOODNESS SAKES, WHAT SHOULD I READ?

This Blog is a Dinosaur, and Do You Like Chinchillas?

This blog is a dinosaur.  Now, it is a dinosaur with a makeover.

Also, I am a penguin.  (To be explained in a later post.)

This post is a chinchilla.  (That will never be explained because there is no logical reasoning behind it.  It just happened.)

Although I think this adorableness is just about all the explanation one could possibly need. (They literally have the softest fur of all land animals.  And they shed said fur in large chunks if frightened.)

Anyway, this blog is at least 6 years old and has just been redesigned!  Previously called Caroline's Corner, I started it on New Year's Eve, 2010.  It has been posted on sporadically since then, with anything from 5-30 posts a year.  Now, in 2016, I am 17 and it is suffice to say that....I have progressed as a writer.  Let's leave it at that.  

When I was first inspired to really get back to blogging consistently, I considered just making a new blog.  This one has some.....grammatically-questionable content, for one.  My 11-year-old brain focused on anything from random animals, bowls of sugar, researching the Pacific Ocean, Sherlock Holmes...okay, maybe my taste hasn't changed too much.  ( I mean, don't change something that's already awesome, right?)   

In the end, I decided to keep everything.  So, if you want to see Mini-Caroline's first blog post ever, it's still here.  I haven't changed a single misplaced comma.  

Why?  I figured someone in this world might be interested in seeing the progress of a writer through the years.  Improvement.  All lot of my early days were creative writing and research assignments from school.  Then it moved on to documenting parts of my life and a lot of poetry.  Caroline's Corner was a blog about writing, research, life, God....I haven't changed that too much either.  

Also, since I've left everything on here, exposed, then announced it with a megaphone, why not go all out and actually post some links?  

Here's a short but detailed post about a hawk that was hanging out on our porch.

Here's when I posted about squirrels (pictures included!).

And finally, here's the infamous toucan-papaya-disaster, in which said bird did something on my shoulder.

If you've never met me before, here's a nice chance!  Drop in and say hi in the comments!  If you do know me, welp, let's reminisce, shall we?

Please, don't laugh too much.  

~Caroline M.

Do you still have writing from your 'baby stages' as a writer?  Care to share?  How have you seen yourself grow over the years?

January: Snazzy Snippets!

So, I just found these two wonderful bloggers, Alyssa @ The Devil Orders Takeout and Emily @ Loony Literate, who host Snazzy Snippets, where they post bi-monthly writing prompts!

This month's challenge is to write...

A snippet from page 16

or

A snippet of 16 words or fewer

I'll be posting some snippets from my current work in progress (WIP), "Labyrinth" - an alternate history/dystopia/YA novel based off a Greek myth.

Page 16

"Hurricanes in the Burdan region usually ended as quickly as they started.  The next morning, Kaura jerked awake before the break of dawn with that same tingly feeling in her head.  The village was still.  Kaura lay there for a while, feeling the depth of the silence and Time pulsing rhythmically inside of her.  

When she fell asleep, she dreamed that Time was alive.  Felt, touched, like a solid rock.  Unlike a stone, however, Time was constantly changing..."

16 Words

"No way. That's the kind of disgrace that makes someone live on a mountain or something." 

I'm going to start posting more often now, so stay tuned!  Also, check out the other awesome snippets at Snazzy Snippets!

~Caroline M.

silence

I feel like I'm missing something, so I look back through my day...

I forgot nothing.

I wrote. I went to school, I talked to friends, I read, I did homework, I played the piano, I sang, I talked to God, I worked on editing the writer's club book.  I even wrote this blog post...it was as close to a great, productive day as one could get.  But I feel partly empty, not quite satisfied.

I forgot nothing.

I forgot nothing.

I realize what I forgot.  I forgot the "nothing" in my day.  I forgot the silence.  I forgot the resting, the sitting motionlessly on the floor, in a chair, just being.  

I did everything, but forgot to do nothing.  And I don't think I can appreciate anything without listening to the world every once in a while, to take a breath, to feel alive and to feel small.  Eclipsed by a greater power.

~Caroline Meek