Monday, January 15, 2018

I still have the same brain, after all these years


I keep thinking that I'm going to grow up and get a new brain.

When I was younger, I'd look to the future and see myself doing cool things like publishing books and maybe going to space.  I still do that, actually.  But in all those visions, I didn't have the same brain.  Like, where did it go?

Don't get me wrong; I like my brain. It's a good lil brain.  I guess it's this weird thing where I can't imagine myself in the future exactly?  It always feels like I'm a different person. But when I got to college, I was still the same person.

I still thought the same way.

And that's kind of a weird thing to me, but I guess it makes sense.  Same brain. Same thoughts. In some ways, it's disappointing.  Like whaaaaa I don't get a new brain every time I reach a new life milestone?


On a more serious note, if my brain has a habit of getting sad or scared sometimes, that's not just gonna go away all of a sudden, once I get to college. Or graduate college. But even if this is slightly disappointing, there are a few comforting things about it.

1. You're still you.

Your brain is one thing that always sticks with you. At your core, you will always be the same person. And that's good to remember, especially if you're going through a rough patch. Or when you're taking a hard exam and at least you can write down your name because you do know that.

It's helpful when you find yourself sitting there asking "who am I?" again and again.

To quote a beautiful Josh Groban song, you're still you, and nothing can ever change that. Even if you don't quite remember who you are anymore, your name hasn't changed. Deep down, you are the same beautiful you that you've always been, and life can't change that.

2. You're still growing.

Maybe you're stuck with the same brain, but that doesn't mean you can't progress.

I wrote my first story when I was starting preschool. I was probably four years old? Five? A wee little penguin.  Here it is, in its full, unedited glory. Please don't ask about the random spaces. I think I was pressing the tab key instead of the space bar, and it was all very confusing for me.


In case you don't understand my genius use of phonetics, here's a translation:

"The Big Scary Bear: I was walking in the woods and I saw a big big bar, and it really really scared me. Well, what would you do if you was were a big big bear? You would eat it and this is just what this bear did. It made me so very very scared. The end."


Umm, so what gets me every time about this one: I still remember exactly what I was thinking when I wrote this.  I remember sitting down at the computer and my mom turning me loose to type. I remember being frustrated at how long it took, how I couldn't get the spaces to line up like I wanted them to. Apparently I sensed the need to emphasize things (like the size of the bear) by repeating them.

And (perhaps the most frightening thing) I remember thinking just how amazing this story was. It was so clever. It was the longest thing I'd ever written. I was extremely proud of myself.


I'm a lot older now. I've written things that are longer than this big big bear story. I don't use all CAPS for everything now.  But more or less, I still think the same way. I have the same brain? Hopefully this is making sense. Also, even if I know how to actually spell words now, I can still be proud of myself back then. I don't have feel ashamed about my progress back then. And mostly:

You can improve. You have already.

You have climbed endless mountains and crossed countless rivers.  Take a moment and look back, see how much you've done. Celebrate that! Because it's awesome. You and your lil brain have gone through a lot together and you're still going. Maybe this moment feels like it's moving too slowly and you'll never get past it.

But you will.

You will. And you'll still be the same, beautiful person you've always been.

~Caroline ♡

Do you ever think about the fact that you still have your brain after all these years, or is it just me?  Do you remember your exact thought processes from years ago?  If you want to write a post about your first story ever and SHARE IT, link me to it in the comments!

17 comments:

  1. But that story, though! Just what I expect a five-year-old to write! But for the age, that was pretty good!

    A very interesting, encouraging post!

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  2. first off, that story is just the cutest and second, LOVE THIS POST SO MUCH. it just makes so much sense in such a raw way and was just what I needed, so, thank you! <3

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    1. oh good! <3 yes, I love the way my lil brain worked xD such great adventures

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  3. Oh Caroline, I love that poem! brings back so many memories. Even then, you knew where you were going with your gift of words :-)

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  4. That story was the cutest <3

    I don't know if I have the same brain or not but I can kind of understand what I was thinking when I was writing my old stuff? xD

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    1. Yeah. It's such a weird feeling??? Like part of me can really remember and then the other part feels totally different.

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  5. Aw this is so sweet! I was like that when I was a kid. XD I thought I'd get older and cooler and now I'm like noooo I'm still me. XD My first story is "When My Blankie Got Washed." I had a Linus-grade attachment to my blankie and I was scared to death when I couldn't find it one day and it was because my mom washed it. XD

    storitorigrace.blogspot.com

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    1. Oh my gosh xD That is ADORABLE. I'm glad the blankie was safe ;)

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  6. OH MY SOUL. So this one time when I was somewhere around the age of six I asked my mom "Were there cars when you were little?" just to see what she would say. I knew that there were because I had seen old movies from before she was little and they had cars; I just wanted to see what she would say and probably make her laugh. Unfortunately, she thought I was being SERIOUS and every once in a while she'll bring it up like I actually meant it and thought she was old or something. I also remember feeling almost the same at age seven as I do now, as far as maturity and intelligence go. In my head, I was pretty much a little adult. Actually, looking back, I was a pretty mature kid and just did random kid stuff to make my older siblings and friends laugh.

    I actually remember a lot of things from when I was little (like things that happened when I was not even three yet). But then again, I have the memory of an elephant, so I guess that just comes with the territory ;D

    I really enjoyed this post, by the way!!!!

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  7. This post is unique to put out there... but it really made us think, you know?! Like... it's true. My brain isn't going to change, it's going to grow. I'm not going to get rid of my struggles just because I hit a new chapter of life... that chapter of life is going to grow me through those stuggles until I'm ready for the NEXT chapter! On the flipside, we don't change; we know who we are (or, at least, how we normally react), and we can plan for that so that we can make the best choices on how to encourage ourselves to be open to that growth, no matter how the Lord brings it about. It's an interesting thing to think about! Thank you!
    Rejoicing in Hope,
    Bri
    forget-not-his-benefits.blogspot.com

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  8. you're not the only one to feel this way. i've sort of gotten addicted to new beginnings, constantly starting things over, because i kind of want to forget the baggage that comes with continuing. but even though a brain can't be completely rebooted, and some mistakes may continue to haunt you, sometimes a new perspective can make all the difference in the world.

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  9. Great post! You're definitely not the only one to feel this way. I'm finding it more and more difficult to actually FINISH my stories, and it's become a [BAD] habit of new ideas popping into my head and begging to be written down, which then distracts from the current WIP... Grrrr... I'm almost too terrified to go back and read my first-ever stories, afraid I may gag from the horribly-written words, plot, etc. But who knows? Maybe it would be fun and could spark a bit of motivation to work hard on my current stories. :]

    BTW, I've tagged you on my blog! But please don't feel obligated to do it. Link --> http://sarah-plainandaverage.blogspot.com/2018/02/the-bibliophile-sweater-tag.html. Have a lovely week!

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  10. This makes perfect sense. I totally agree!

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  11. Make sense.Everyone has that weird things in our mind when we were young and even when we get older. Its funny but that's the truth.

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  12. I definitely agree with you. We all have that thoughts at the back of our minds and sometimes it just need a little od push and motivation. Keep posting dear.

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