Saturday, May 5, 2018

the problem with "i can do anything"



I realized something recently.

For the most part, I grew up believing that I could be whatever I wanted to be. If I could dream it up, I could do it. And I followed that to college, where I'm studying Creative Writing and figuring out how to balance dreaming and working hard to make those dreams happen. It's going pretty well.

Except for one thing.  I think I'm invincible.  I operate like I can do anything and more importantly, everything, and that expectation makes it really hard to say 'no' to things. It makes it hard to take breaks, and it makes it hard to justify giving less than 100% at any given moment.

People...have been trying to explain this to me for a long time. If you're one of those people, you might be reading this post and saying "geez wow yay she's finally is starting to figure it out".  Yup. :) And thank you. Thanks to every single person who's ever told me to take a break, to slow down, and that I deserve rest. I know I've been...resistant. xD

What I've realized is this: I'm often told: "You can't do it all" or "You can't do everything". And my brain logically fires back that yes, I can do it all, what are you talking about.  It goes like this:

Me: *overwhelmed*
Person: wow, you seem overwhelmed. you should take a break.
Me: wat
Person: you're doing too much, pls stahp
Me: BUT NO I MUST DO EVERYTHING
Person: but no yeah i think you're doing too much
Me:
Me: no such thing

[repeat conversation for a decade, insert a new person every year or so]


I think I'm invincible.

And ironically, that's done me a lot of damage.  The thing is, humans are resilient. We adjust to pain, we survive against all odds – while we might suffer, we can go through a lot before we crash. My logic has always been that yes, I can do just about anything. I'm still alive and breathing, right?  I rarely find a limit, so I just keep adding stuff in as long as it fits into my obscenely busy schedule. As if time conflicts is the only limit. I keep saying yes to commitments, telling myself that I can do it, so I should.

Tonight I realized that there's a second part to the phrase "you can't do everything". That second, implicit half is vital.  

You can't do everything and be okay at the same time. 
You can't do everything and be peaceful.
You can't do everything and keep up your mental and physical and emotional health.
You can't do everything and stay passionate about it all.
You can't do everything without sacrificing something very important. 

I realized that if I'm not enjoying what I'm doing, all the sacrifices that happen to make it possible...aren't really worth anything. Maybe I'm blasting through each day with an insane level of productivity and success and ambition. But that kind of thing needs fuel. And if I'm not taking breaks, that fuel comes straight from other places, like my mental health.

So...yes. I can do everything. 

But not without making heavy sacrifices. 

I used to be okay with the side effects of a busy, constant life.  I wouldn't let depression, anxiety, or exhaustion be excusing for slowly down.  Now, I'm starting to realize that I don't want to sacrifice myself for this cause anymore. I want to be okay with resting. I want to find success and happiness in taking care of myself, instead of just reaching the day's finish line with the longest list of accomplishments.

I want to find balance.

–Caroline ♥


Are you invincible? In which parts of your life are you pushing yourself too hard?  Take a breath today. Maybe you can do 'everything', but that doesn't mean you should. No one is asking you to do that.  


15 comments:

  1. This has described my life recently. I've burnt myself out and have been taking the reserved energy from my mental health, leading me back towards the path of feeling depressed that I escaped from a while back and I don't want to go back down that path. I am currently working a full time job, trying to get my debut book ready by August of this year for publishing, continue writing every day, keep up with my blog, and still maintain a normal life of chores and other stuff. I decided I couldn't do it and that some things have to give unless I want to fall down again.

    I've taken a break from blogging for a while... (technically, I'm not supposed to be here, but your post is amazing and I'm happy I read it before I completely say goodbye to the blogging world for a little while.)

    This has resonated with me so much. <3

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    1. That's a lot of stuff to keep up with. I totally support your blogging break; these things should, for the most part, fill you up and give you joy, not stress you out! I'm starting to keep reevaluating my mindset towards things. Sometimes it's a matter of just changing how I treat the thing, sometimes it's taking a break from it. I'm glad you're paying attention to this! <3

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  2. aw yus to finding balance..something I've really been thinking about lately. it's a tough thing to do, but something we /need/ to do. I also like your point that yeah we CAN do it all, but there will be costs. we have to decide if those costs are worth it. so, thank you for this <3

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    1. Yup. I didn't get the idea of those hidden costs for the longest time. You're so welcome! <3

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  3. I needed a post like this! I know I can't do everything, but that doesn't stop me from trying. I've been pushing myself to my breaking point recently. Need to take a step back.

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    1. yeesssss <3 you deserve a break. you're 100% enough without all the things you do.

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  4. Yes, yes and YES! I have such trouble with overworking myself and taking on way way too much sometimes. Yet, I never seem to be able to slow down and put myself first...

    Excellent post, Caroline!

    Catherine
    catherinesrebellingmuse.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you Catherine! I'm glad you connected with this; it's been a really big thing for me lately. <3

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  5. This absolutely resonates with me. You're totally right. Sometimes I think I use busyness as a crutch to avoid those things that bother me. Eg, my depression. It's harder for me to be sad when I'm hurrying from one thing to the next. However, the last couple months I have been very busy and not taking time to do some of the things I love. Last couple months, who am I kidding, it's been years now. XD I used to have weeks on end of being at home all day with not much going on, and even though that wasn't healthy, I did get to pour everything into my creativity. Since my late teens it's been the opposite and I find that there is so much I want to do and accomplish and I get overwhelmed by it all. It's weird to see how the pendulum has swung for me, now if I can just find the balance, as you say! Thanks for a great post!

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    1. Dude, yes. Busyness is such an escape, but it really takes you away from the point sometimes. I'm working on prioritizing now? Like staying productive but not overloading myself, and taking time to stop and work through the problems and do that stuff I love. I had a similar pendulum swing and it was super weird; I think college is starting to help balance that out time-wise? I hope you keep prioritizing rest and stuff you love, and start finding that balance! I believe in you <3

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  6. This is so, so true! I'm one to keep saying "yes" to people and obligations and stuff but then leave no space for myself, and it's become evident these past couple of weeks. Such a good thought. Thanks, Caroline!

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  7. I agree sometimes we tend to say to ourselves that we can do anything without thingking of the outcome or maybe do we really need to. We also need space for ourselves, we are not superheroes!Thanks for the thought.

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  8. ....whatttt I totally don't feel like you just STARED INTO MY SOUL OR ANYTHING.

    I try so hard to be invincible. To be a robot and to be able to do anything and never need to stop or take care of myself. I try so hard. But...I need to find that balance. And as I've been trying to sort out next semester, I needed to hear this. Thank you.

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  9. Yes true we seem to be like superhero and wanted to do everything as much as we can not knowing we're taking for granted ourselves which is more important.

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  10. Yes before but now I learned. I already learned when to say Yes I can do that and when to say No not this time. This is a great post dear.

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