Summer 2018: Between the Lines

This summer I had the chance to do a research fellowship at the University of Iowa, where I'm currently (like, today) moving back for my second year of college.  I worked with the International Writing Program and Between the Lines, their intensive summer writing camp.  For the first part of the summer, I did some research on the impact of social media on global communities (help me collect more data here!), and prepared for the camp. Then, I spent the month of July in Iowa City for the actual camp.

It. was. the. best. experience. ever. 

Oh my goodness.  I can't put it into words so I have no idea why I'm attempting to write a blog post, but I loved it with every electron in all my atoms.

For two weeks, I hung out with 36 high school students from the United States, Russia, and Arabic-speaking countries.  I was the photographer for the camp, but I also spent a lot of time hanging out with the students, acting as a tour guide for all the best ice cream and book stores in town, and just soaking in the inspiration that naturally comes with a group of writers from around the world.  

By the end of the two weeks, I had:

• ~1500 pictures
• 36 glimpses into what it is to be human, to be a writer, to be yourself
• 50+ new pages of poetry and writing in my journal
• 1 new family

and so much more.  These amazing people helped me understand pieces of myself, and probably more importantly, be more okay with those things.  They reminded me why I love writing and why I will probably be writing for the rest of my life.  I learned about creative nonfiction in some awesome workshops, and realized that I really enjoy it.

I think one of the most huge things about this camp was that everyone felt so understood, so accepted. It was two weeks of the most true versions of ourselves that we had ever experienced.  I'm so grateful to have been a part of it.  

I wrote some poetry on the night everyone left, as most of the students were flying back over the ocean to their home countries.  This is the best way to give you a glimpse into my summer. This piece was inspired by Anya's amazing nonfiction workshop and a piece by Joe Brainard, "I Remember", and it's for all the people I met this summer.

I REMEMBER: BTL 2018

I remember walking. Walking over rivers and through downtown. Walking over borders and between lines and into things we didn’t know or understand about ourselves. I remember saying goodbye and realizing that I understand a lot more of it, now.

I remember circles. Beginning circles where we stood at a distance and took careful steps to you in the center. Circles close to endings where we realized that you can find family from across an ocean. I remember crying, laughing, and laughing while crying. I remember how you asked me to take your picture and now I have one thousand memories of you in a folder on my computer’s desktop.

I remember overwhelming the waitress with pie shake orders way too close to closing time. I remember absolutely wrecking the seating arrangements in Burge so we could squeeze ourselves into two overcrowded tables. I remember the Haunted Bookshop and how many times we went back. Because you wanted to see the cat. Because you couldn’t get these books back home. Because you needed 31 more books. Because we all love places like those, where an old home became some other sort of home.

I remember how brave you are. I remember how you had so much to say, even if you didn’t always say it out loud. We heard you. I remember hearing your stories. I remember how powerful they were. How much you was packed in there, and how we all recognized each other.  

I remember screaming into The Void at 10pm and losing our voices for the rest of the week. I remember finding a giant teddy bear back at my apartment. I remember the most enthusiastic karaoke night I’ve ever experienced. I remember when we became the entire world, and when we were afraid it might not always be that way. It will, though, because together, we’re everywhere.

We went back in time. I remember dancing. I remember how proud I was of you for walking up to that podium to accept your certificates.

“I had hoped you’d see my face and be reminded that for me, it isn’t over.” -Adele, Someone Like You

I remember how time didn’t exist that night. I remember blankets and scattered chairs in the lobby the next morning, because you promised you wouldn’t fall asleep but you did anyway.

I remember how suddenly there weren’t enough people standing in our circle.

I remember telling you I won’t forget. I remember how your eyes reflected mine, pools, too shiny for goodbye. I remember how your car door closed, over and over again, but I was left open.

I remember how you left home to come to my city, and how when you returned, you left another home behind you.  I remember realizing we have the same soul. I remember how easy it was to be myself around you. I remember how you taught me what it means to be myself and when you cared about me, I cared about me more, too.

I remember smiling, after. I remember breaking and feeling whole and what it is to be loved, and I remember you.

– Caroline Meek

PS - I also want to give a big thank you to the Bureau of Education and Cultural Affairs, for funding the Between the Lines program, and to the Iowa Center for Research by Undergraduates, for granting me this fellowship. You can find the International Writing Program at iwp.uiowa.edu.

Pantsers: How to Not Wander Blindly in Your Own Plot

Hey there, fellow writing penguins.  Haven't done a writing post in a while.  

But I sat down to write on LABYRINTH, so of course, I became inspired to do anything other than that.  So here we have a post.  (Note to self: Attempt to write on LABYRINTH more often.)

I am a pantser, for the most part, when it comes to writing.  (As opposed to a plotter.  For those of you unfamiliar with this term, plotters plan their writing out beforehand, while pantser just kinda...fly by the seat of their pants.)

A side note: I still haven't found my happy medium with this, judging by the number of WIPs I have been unable to finish.  I am probably actually a plotter, or some delicate mix of the two.  Plantser.  Anyway.

For the pantsers out there: do you ever find yourself absolutely lost in what you're writing?  And not in a good way.  I'm talking, your character just fell from a three-story building, you didn't know that was going to happen, and you suddenly have no idea what to do next.  And you sit down to write, but find yourself on youtube watching videos of giraffes.  Later you sit down to write again, and suddenly you realize that you haven't been writing, you're actually parachuting off the Eiffel Tower!  Silly you.

Sometimes writing is like being a penguin and tripping over the cold, unforgiving snow.

It's hard to keep writing when you lose your grip on your plot.

Unlike my title suggests, I'm not going to give you all the answers to staying on track.  (Sorry, I'm not Dumbledore.  Or Gandalf.)

But I do have one tip.

Write ahead of yourself.

I don't mean the end, or a whole outline - but just write a small scene ahead of the point that you're at.  

It's not really even planning.  It's just deciding something is going to happen there, and tentatively writing it in.  Write the scene out.  Just like, 100-500 words.  

Then go back to your current place and start writing.  You haven't planned out what you're going to write, but now you have a point to right to.  A goal - you must get to that scene, whether it takes one chapter, two lines of dialogue, or half the book.  

This has helped me stop wandering so much as a pantser.  It lets me stay free while at the same time having a direction.  

So next time your MC is bleeding out on the floor and you probably have seconds to decide on a way to save her before she bleeds to death, fast forward a bit.  Save a life or two. (Hers, and yours.)

Are you a plotter or a pantser?  Do you ever get hopelessly lost?  What do you do to keep on track with your plot?  

A Very Loud Introvert Post

After finally realizing that life wasn't going to stop and wait for me to write a blog post, I wrote a blog post.

*must get head around the idea that these things don't have to be 17 miles long and be the product of my own sweat and blood*

Right now, it's that time of night that the words are coming very quickly.  A time in which, if I were speaking aloud, it would be hard to tell that I am an an introvert.

I have a few revelations about introvertedness that are begging to be slapped onto a page. Or screen.

I am an introvert.
Easy enough.

Sometimes, introverts don't seem like introverts.  Also common sense.  (And the fact is, no descriptive personality word will ever eternally define a person.  Unless it's like, "human bean" - and even that's iffy sometimes...)

When two like-minded introverts enter into a conversation, they run the risk of becoming temporary extroverts.   Definitely not exaggerating here.  I'm talking like, shrieking, flailing, running in circles, loud arguing, heated debate, possibly exploding.  The possibilities are endless.  Now. Most of phenomena will occur because of a mildly aggressive attachment to a fandom.

I'm serious though.  When I start talking with an introvert friend, we almost always start /actually/ talking - instead of, you know, the "hiding behind a chair talking to the cat who's also and 'introvert'" talking.  We might even *gasp* interrupt each other...

For those of you who are MBTI nerds, two INFJs together can basically take over the world. xD ;)

I like talking about deep stuff.  And I cry as I do it.   So like, I love talking about myself.  Not in a narcissistic way or anything, but just, explaining myself.  It's like a one-sided therapy session with someone else present, an innocent bystander.  And deep stuff. I'd much rather skip over small talk and get to the juicy fandom stuff, the Jesus stuff, all that.

Often, however, as I talk about myself, something that's happened to me, struggles, strong beliefs...I sometimes randomly start crying.  Even with stuff that's not even that significant.  I've never known quite why, but tonight I had an idea....

I have a near-constant dialogue running in my head.  This is almost always fully functional (not to mention impossible to ignore).  BUT. There are some instances in which I forget there is a difference between my mind palace and the outside world...  Like when I'm reading.  (One reason reading is so calming to me - I can forget my own thoughts and just relax for once, enjoy a different world.)

The other is when I'm explaining something, especially myself, my thoughts, etc.  I think this is because when I do that, I have to look inside and bring out pieces to show the other person. In the process, I'm basically talking with my thoughts, instead of letting them get filtered through my mouth. It's weird how I literally forget to worry about their reaction, or have that dialogue going inside, constantly commenting on everything.  I just plow forward break down the walls in order to fully help them understand what I'm trying to say.

To some, this will make no sense. To that one person for whom I've just put into words something they've been trying to figure out for a while, you're welcome.  Let me know who you are.

I'm not sure why it's so important to me that they understand. - other than the obvious "human nature" part of it.  I think another part is that....it helps me understand myself.  When I talk like that, my thoughts are finally able to organize and form a coherent /thing/.  I have revelations as I speak.  (The other way, of course, is writing it down. But you know...the paper doesn't react as expressively as a person does.)  Huh. I wouldn't have necessarily thought that talking aloud would have been the best way for an introvert to solve their deepest, most difficult problems.  But apparently it does.

Premiere Exhibit A: This Blog Post.  Thank you folks.  You've just been the recipient of Caroline's explaining herself to you in order to explain herself to herself.

Now go explain something to another human bean and BE ENLIGHTENED.

Were you that one person who related with all this?  xD  DOES ANYONE UNDERSTAND?  What do you do to understand yourself?  When do you pretend to be an extrovert?

pens need more stamina

Flash post update: Life is dizzyingly busy and my Black Ink Pens are dropping fast.

Writing Labyrinth by hand is really taking a toll on the Black Ink Pen population.

In other news, my friend let me borrow his quill pen and ink, so I am kept occupied. For now.

4 gone in a week. RIP faithful ones.

Anyone else have this problem?

Story Behind the Title: The Drawing in of Breath

You might have heard of our book and wondered about the title.  "It's about breathing?"  "How can you draw wind - it's invisible!"  Hehehe...well, I'm glad you asked. 

Earlier this week, my friend Skyler and I published our first book together, The Drawing in of Breath!  It was quite a wonderful experience.  

Um. Maybe we freaked out. 

Wow, though, this whole process has been great and fun and long and so worth it!  We're really excited to share this one with you.

This book is largely about inspiration.  Most of the poetry and stories contained aren't about it, but the book itself is centered around the idea. 

How many times have you sat and wished for inspiration?

Skyler wrote a blurb for the book: "Breathing. A constant among the living. Inspiration. A craving of humanity. We take these concepts and pour ourselves into them. Breathing in our uncertainties and our insecurities. Exhaling words of promise and assurance. We live in these words. Throughout this book you will find humor and sadness. Security and salvation. Apathy and sympathy. You'll find our hearts and souls spilled onto this paper.  We hope that someone will be inspired."

The Drawing in of Breath is about inspiring others, and it is also about our own inspiration.  Life. Love. Belief. Questions.  

What inspires you?

For a long time, I thought inspiration was something that came in bursts, and sometimes not at all.  It was a spark that ignited my creativity and motivation, something that drove me to stay up late into the night, that made me grip my pen until I couldn't let it go.  

But more often, it was absent.  Elusive.  I'd sit in its not-presence and wait.  It's hard to write without inspiration.  It's hard to make art, or live life, or laugh, without something to inspire it.

And then I read a blog post by the wonderful Emily Tjaden, who showed me the definition of inspiration.

Google it.

The second entry is literally: "the drawing in of breath; inhalation."  What does this mean?  It means that inspiration isn't as fleeting as we often think.

Inspiration, to the human soul...is as natural as breathing.  

It is constantly there with us, the fiber of life, throughout our day.  Inspiration can come in different ways - we may not always feel that wonderful spark - but there is always something to keep us going. 

This life is so vibrant.   So breathe!  Draw in a breath and hold tight to the knowledge that you are and will always be "inspired".  Put the pen to paper, open your mouth, take the book off the shelf - whatever you do to create - and start.  Don't wait for inspiration.  It is already here.  

You can order The Drawing in of Breath for $9.99 here on Amazon: 

 http://www.amazon.com/Drawing-Breath-Caroline-D-Meek/dp/1519163193/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1457749136&sr=8-1&keywords=the+drawing+in+of+breath

Alternatively, if you live in the Kansas City area, let me know you want one, and I'll hand-deliver it next time I see you, signed and all!

Have an inspired week, everyone! :)

Do you ever feel like you're without inspiration?  What inspires you?

What's Up With Words in 2016?

When I was typing this post, I wrote 2014 in the title....

My first resolution is to stop write the date from two years ago.  To write at least 2015.

Beyond that....

This post is extremely late.  It is FEBRUARY ALREADY.

Oh well.  In my writing club last week we talked about writing related goals (as well as said farewell-for-now to a dear friend, Sophia) and I thought it be a great time to belatedly link up to Cait's blog, Paper Fury and Sky's, Further Up and Further In!  They host the Beautiful People meme every month.

Without further ado...some things I wish to do.

(other than rhyming my headings)

1. What were your writing achievements last year? 

This is a great questions, and something we don't always appreciate enough.  It's always - "what am I going to do this year?" - but we gotta remember to focus on the amazing things we did last year too!  In 2015, I published an anthology written by my amazing writing club!  I started handwriting a novel.  I presented at BreadKC!  with the wonderful Vanessa for a grant for said writing club, and even though we didn't win, it was still a powerful and fun experience (as well as nerve-wracking).  I took a few writerly friends to the Midwest Parent Educator's conference (resources, curriculum, and books for homeschoolers!) and sold our anthology and other tree slabs. :)  OH.  I keep forgetting, but my article on the importance of the arts in schools was published by the Kansas City Star (the main local newspaper)!!!  That was huge for me - the first writing of mine that has been published (apart from self-publishing).  As much as I was busy and neglected writing/blogging/reading/basically everything, I can't say I did nothing in 2015, and that's always good to remember.

2. Tell us about your top priority writing project for this year?

LABYRINTH!  I started handwriting this novel (more on that later) at the very end of the year, and made it my goal to write the whole thing in 2016.  LABYRINTH is (to put it simply)...words.  To put it complexly, it's an alternate history of a Greek myth, with elements of dystopia and high fantasy.  

3. List 5 areas you’d like to work the hardest to improve this year.

• Blogging, for sure.  In the 6+ years I've had this blog, I've never been able to get into a good rhythym of posting consistently. Hopefully this changes. (I'm optimistic, because this is the second post in 2 weeks, keeping on track with a-post-a-week.) xD
• Editing!  Go East on No Road was finished 2 years ago and Olivia and I never really got into editing it. I'd love to finish that.  Also, just editing my work in general. I do a lot of editing for other people, but I find it hard to edit my own stuff.
• Submitting to literary journals, etc.  I want to get something pieces polished up and sent out to be seen!
• Character development.  Ugh.  I struggle a lot with knowing who my characters really are.  A lot of times, I'll have good, rounded side characters, but totally forget that my main characters are people too...if you have a life-changing or even semi-helpful post on this, PLEASE COMMENT.
• Learning more about the writing craft.  I want to read more books, articles and posts about writing tips, and just bring more of the writing life into my own.  (Again, if you have or know of posts like these, comment shamelessly!)

4. Are you participating in any writing challenges?

I'm doing the Year-Long Writing challenge start by Will Cloud, challenging us to write 400 words (a page) a day, although I'm only following it loosely.  Mainly, I've challenged myself to write every single morning.  Even if it's only 10 measly words.  I just want to try and stay in my story-world and even when I'm busy, not forget about my babies. 

5. What’s your critique partner/beta reader situation like and do you have plans to expand this year?

I've never really been a beta reader for any books, until now!  I'm currently a beta for Sierra Abrams' "The Color Project", Kara Swanson's "The Girl Who Could See", and Savannah DeBudge's "A Warning to All Writers".  This is an exciting new adventure for me.  At the moment, I'm not going to take on any more WIPs, but I probably will later on this year.  No one is currently a beta for my work, because there is nothing polished to that point.......soon though, hopefully!

6. Do you have plans to read any writer-related books this year? Or are there specific books you want to read for research?

I don't have any specifics (comment if you do!), but I definitely want to start reading some more writing-related books.  One book I read last year, "Dancing On the Head of Pen", by Robert Benson (I'll post a review of this later), was PHENOMENAL and totally inspired me in so many ways.  I would absolutely recommend it for any artist, not just writers.

7. Pick one character you want to get to know better, and how are you going to achieve this?

This would be my main character in Labyrinth, Kaura.  Doing some character chats would probably be smart, as well as stalking Pinterest boards and making lists.  Also, paying attention to what she's thinking as I write, and maybe doing some 1st person scenes with her on the side.

8. Do you plan to edit or query, and what’s your plan of attack?

Gonna try to edit Go East.  Possibly query some short stories - at the very least, submit some flashfics.

9. Toni Morrison once said, “If there’s a book that you want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it.”  What are the books that you want to see more of, and what “holes” do you think need filling in the literary world?

I'd like to see more inspiring books, book that make me want to jump up and do something, whether it's by the beauty of the writing, or the content therein.  Also - wildly creative books - ideas that make you just stand there and attempt to pick your jaw up off the ground.  So...I'll be working on that. ;)

10. What do you hope to have achieved by the end of 2016?

I want to have the first draft Labyrinth finished and (fingers crossed) edited!  Then maybe I can get some betas...  I also want to finish editing the first draft of Go East.  Finally, I hope to have at least one thing accepted for publication somewhere, whether it be a flashfic, short story, poem, etc.

(I didn't actually expect to answer all 10 questions) *pats self on back* 

Well, after that post, I think I am quite /resolved/.  

What are your resolutions for 2016?  Share your most proud accomplishment from 2015!  Who's helped inspire you this past year?