Guest Post: Cait Potter, on Her Journey as An Artist

Hey! I’m Cait and I’m guest posting on Caroline’s blog! I’m gonna talk about art and writing and what those things mean to me.  I think it would be important to start with why I became an artist and what art means to me because my experiences have definitely shaped me into the artist I am today.

(CW: self harm)

At the start of last year, about a week before my birthday, I tried to kill myself and I did nearly die. I had a lot of other awful things going on in my life at the time and spending five days in the hospital connected to an IV and heart monitor, being watched 24/7 while I vomited my stomach lining made me feel helpless. It took away any agency I had over my body. One of the AINs assigned to watch me would give me magazines and I would spend hours tracing and drawing the faces of the models in them.  It was then it really clicked for me. I was already a writer and I was also playing around with music but at that moment art really did it for me.  It gave me back some power.  

Since then, art has become my coping method, it’s been my way of dealing with my mental health. Whether I’m hallucinating or if i’m manic or having flashbacks, drawing (and more recently painting) has been something that I can fall back on, in the very least it was a good distraction.

I think this is really important to me, just that experience of drawing and the process of creating a piece of art as a way of coping has helped me get over any comparisons I might make between my art work and others or working through an art block. If I have a pen, if i can use my hands, i know things will be alright.

I think that’s why I could never say that art is just my hobby, it’s more than that, it’s my life, it kept me alive. I’m incredibly serious about it and it’s why I practice as much as I can.

(A painting I’ve recently created for class)

The past year I’ve been studying a diploma of visual art. It’s stressful, having to create for a deadline and a set criteria but I feel more capable in my field than I did last year. I’ve even noticed a huge improvement in my writing. I’ve learned a lot of stuff that I didn’t have the motivation or energy to teach myself last year, I’ve had the opportunity to explore different mediums and to meet other creative people.

People say you don’t have to go to art school and you don’t! It’s not a requirement but for me it’s sped up that process of learning and it’s opened so many opportunities I wouldn’t of had before. I’ve had access to more expensive equipment and mediums, I’ve had professional critique, I’ve had a lot of encouragement from my teachers, hell! It got me out of my house!

I feel as if I’ve become a lot more focused in my art and writing because of it, instead of focusing on 200 odd different ideas, I can connect, expand and create for a few. Producing more concise series of work.  Something which I carried over into my writing, I’ve been focusing on only one of my novels this year instead of three or four.  

Art and writing go hand in hand for me. One is always influenced by the other, whether I’m illustrating a poem or excerpt I’ve written or I’m writing to something I’ve created visually.  I’ve been wanting to write a book like that actually, to add illustrations wherever I please because it would suit the feel of my stories.  

Medium wise I love drawing. I will draw and experiment with anything I can get my hands on.  Painting has become an extension of that this year. I never used to like painting before uni, I think I can definitely pin that down as being because I have an amazing, encouraging teacher for that subject. I’ve become really concerned about my process (not in a bad way!) I’ve been focusing on using the energy and passion I bring to my art to improve and to produce as much as I can while concentrating on the way I use colour and the marks that I use in my drawing and painting.

I’ve been asked about my journals and honestly I think the reason I do it is the same as above, to cope. It helps me organise my thoughts, give them somewhere to go that isn’t just another corner of my brain. I’ve also been asked how I fill mine so quickly and I think, as with everything creativity related, it just took practice. It’s a habit I’ve picked up over the years. I never had that fear of a blank page, all I see is a space that I can fill and make mine. It’s just another space that I can create in and that’s great, even if what I create should be mopped up and thrown out the window.  

I have a lot to say and if I don’t get the chance to say it somewhere it just gets bottled up. And that’s not cool for my mental health.  Better to express everything last thing. And I don’t have to share it with anyone! (except that one guy who stole my notebook -_-)  

Outside of school, I am working on a zine called Trigger warning! It’s a combination of my art and writing that describes the messiness of mental health and trauma in a very non-linear, sometimes intense way! That’s just been printed and I’m going to be releasing it at the exhibit I will be featuring in at the end of the year!

I am also working on my novel Cassowary, something I will hope to complete during Nanowrimo!

I’m rambling on but the advice I’d give to other artists (I’m still young and new at this myself!) use reference! It’s not cheating, in fact a lot of great artists use it and it will help you improve in your practice!

Share your art and support other artists! Your work is important at every stage, the work you have created is just as important as the work you’re creating now and the work you will create. Remember that even if your work doesn’t get many views it’s still important! The worth of your art and your writing isn’t determined by how many people see and like it.

Experiment and have fun,  try new mediums, learn from everything, art shouldn’t be a chore, it should be something good you can come back to after a long day.  

Thanks for stickin' round this long ha! You can catch me and my art endeavours on my instagram! https://www.instagram.com/cait_potter/?hl=en

linger / / fall artist

most days, artists just want to dip their hands in the paint and never wash it off

it's a kind of therapy, almost

not almost

it's seriously deep therapy

swirling the colors around on your skin until they sink in and color your soul again

everyone needs something that makes them feel alive

there's something about the paint dried on your fingers, stuck to your fingernails, that's just...celestial

i like to imagine that when God created the world, He never washed His hands of the paint that formed our outlines, He loved us so much

that the paint from our souls still lingers on His beautiful hands, and that every day, He looks down and smiles at them

just as i do.

The Unexpected Inspirational Qualities of Country Music

So somehow, my country radio, which I listen to in the car sporadically, has inspired me to write again.

After 6 months.

And mind you, this is my W.I.P. Labyrinth, the high-fantasy, combat-heavy, dystopia book.

Not your typical country picnic, yeah?

I'm not questioning it very much right now, though.  I just wrote over a 1000 words in an hour, after being unable to write more than a few hundred for the last half year.

So usually, I listen to battle soundtracks from Lord of the Rings, Narnia, etc. for this kind of writing.  I mean, you kind of need intense music when writing intense scenes with your mythical Minotaur beastie, right?

Now, I'm not one of those people who are violently opposed to country.  I listen to it every once in a while, even sing it sometimes.  I like it for certain moods.  BUT.  I don't think I've ever used it for writing.  

So now, after having a such a productive writing session while listening to the same country song on repeat for 72 minutes, I'm left wondering why it was so effective. 

(By the way, the song was "Doin' What She Likes," by Blake Shelton.)  ;)

What is it about country music that can work so well for writing?  I've come to a few conclusions. 

1) Country music tells a story, too.  

One of my favorite things about country music is that it tells a story, possibly more than any other genre of music is known for.  Each verse contributes to and develops the plot.  The chorus is dynamic, often changing by the end.  There's a change of emotion, twist at the end, realization - something that makes it dynamic.  

So perhaps this helps my writer brain get into the storytelling mood, too?  It's basically like listening to a 4-minute plot model condensed into a few verses passionate about trucks, drinks, and women.  A great example, really.

2) Country music has real emotion.

Those country haters out there may disagree. But honestly, these lyrics hold a lot of emotion.  There is clear desire  present in every song.  The singer is obviously motivated, has a goal, regrets something, etc.  In my case, the emotion in the song made me want to write a scene with those emotions in my own story.  I'm not even sure how it came into my head, because I haven't thought seriously about Labyrinth for a few months, or even tried to work on it.  But I just found myself being able to connect to the emotions in these songs, even if I hadn't experienced that truck myself.  And then somehow, I was thinking of my characters and for the first time in forever (SIIIIIIIING MY FRENS, LET IT GO AND JUST SIIIIIIING), I wanted to play around with them and write something.

-   -   -   -

...Is it even grammatically legal to have a list with only two things on it?  Oh well, that's about all I can figure out about it at the moment, and I think it gets to the heart of the situation.  I have no idea if this new inspiration will last beyond tonight, but I'm grateful for it right now, in this moment.  I've been trying to worry less about the future lately.  Months without writing inspiration has made me realize I shouldn't force it.  Sometimes it goes away for a while.  

And then sometimes, it just pops back up again, out of no where?  (Honestly, I haven't been believing that myself lately.  I've been started to wonder if I should even be trying to write books at all.  It's hard to go without inspiration for that long.)  But apparently, it really can just come back "just like that" sometime.  

So if you're waiting around for inspiration, that's just fine.  It's lovely.  Keep waiting for a while.  Bake some cookies while you wait, or something. But don't give up on a dream.

Dreams are precious things.  

~Sincerely, your dream

Keep dreaming, my friends, and listen to country music.  

Or at least, consider listening to a completely different genre than what you're actually writing.  See what happens.  ;)

(P.S.  This country music is amazing.  One night alone and it inspired 1000 words on the WIP and an 800-word post.  xD  10/10 would listen on repeat again for 5 million years.)

Are you a country music fan?  No?  Has anyone else had a heavenly break-though with country music, or am I a lonely penguin in this cruel writing world?  What do you usually listen to when writing?

A (Probably Unnecessary) Post on My Guest Post Experience!

Is it bad self-promotion to call your own post unnecessary?

OH well.

I've just written my first guest blog post.  Very interesting experience.

First off, I knew from the start, although the amazing Hannah White gave me at least a month's notice, that I was going to write it either last minute....or late.  Sure enough, last night, minutes before the deadline, I messaged her like, um hey oops I'm a terrible person please don't kill me but....

Of course, Hannah's so awesome she couldn't be angry, but I was like, darn, I've done it again.

Then I got a burst of inspiration and went and wrote something TOTALLY DIFFERENT THAN WHAT I'D TOLD HER ORIGINALLY.

Then I titled it this absurdly long title that honestly broke all the title rules.

My transgressions so far: late, lying about topics, offending the Title Fairies....yikes.  Bad start, Caroline.  This guest post stuff is hard.

I believe I ended up making up for it by writing a killer post with the fuel from my rare burst of inspiration, so that's great.  The endeavor wasn't totally in ruins.

A few things I learned from my first guest post?
1)  Do it before the night before.
2)  Give yourself freedom to write about what you need to at the moment, when the inspirations.  Don't tie yourself down to a topic unless the person has specifically gotten you to write on that thing.
3)  Have fun with it cause BLOGGING'S AWESOME.

Yup.

(Notice there's nothing about titles in that last.  I obviously learned no lessons there, 10/10 will keep making necessarily long titles and laughing at the protestors.)

Where to find this long-fought-for labor of genius?

Hannah White's blog, http://iamawriterandthisismyblog.blogspot.com/ !

BUT YOU GOTTA WAIT TILL SATURDAY SO COME BACK!

My utmost thanks for your patience.

Hannah writes about writing, faith, etc......very much my bloggy twin.
ALSO HER BLOG IS NAMED STAN AND THAT IS GREAT.

And now that I've told you what a terrible guest poster I am, anyone want to exchange a guest post or two? :)

Stay tuned!

~CDM


PS - tomorrow I will officially be.....an adult!!!! Woah. That's the first time I've ever typed that and it's really weird. ##18

Have you ever guest-posted? Any *interesting* experiences?

Be a Sieve.

I'm often in a hole.

Some time in my life where I don't know what's going on and whatever it is, I don't like it.  Tears and darkness and such.  Really deep, dark holes.

Often, I focus my whole existence on getting out of these holes.  I can't thrive inside there.  I can't create until I'm out in the sunlight again.  Then, when I'm stuck in these pits for weeks, months - I'm totally disabled.  I can't function.

But I'm starting to realize that I need to have more trust while I'm floundering in these holes.  Did I ever consider that maybe I'm supposed to be in here?  Was thriving in the dark ever an option?

After all, my favorite verse is Jeremiah 29:11.  "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."  Doesn't that say that God is in control and knows what's going on?  Shouldn't I trust him with my very life, my everyday?   When I'm in the hole, it's easy to forget.

The reality, though, is that even the dark times have a purpose.  Think about the story of Daniel in the lion's den (Daniel 6).

God did the biggest miracles in the pit.

In a deep, dark, sealed pit full of lions.

That story wouldn't be half as powerful above ground, in the safety of the light.  Without the hole and the lions, there wasn't much to save Daniel from.  God used these things to bring a whole nation to know Him.  Because of the miracle, the king believed.

When you're in a dark pit, don't lie down and let the monsters consume you.  Wait on God, and thrive in the dark.  Rejoice wherever you are.  Don't wait to feel better before you seek God, make art, etc.  Live in the place you are - really live.  Because you are alive.

“For he is the living God
    and he endures forever;
his kingdom will not be destroyed,
    his dominion will never end.

He rescues and he saves;
    he performs signs and wonders
    in the heavens and on the earth.
He has rescued Daniel
    from the power of the lions.”  

                                (Daniel 6:26-27)



Take heart, these struggles will not be in vain.  You will come out with more than you had before, not less.

It's okay to be a sieve, sometimes.

Full of holes, seemingly useless - but God puts you through it anyway.  He knows you'll come out better, more pure.  More whole.

You'll have a story to tell, people to inspire, and an even better love of the light.

My dear friends, don't be afraid of the dark.  Embrace it and trust that someday, the sun will rise again.

Pantsers: How to Not Wander Blindly in Your Own Plot

Hey there, fellow writing penguins.  Haven't done a writing post in a while.  

But I sat down to write on LABYRINTH, so of course, I became inspired to do anything other than that.  So here we have a post.  (Note to self: Attempt to write on LABYRINTH more often.)

I am a pantser, for the most part, when it comes to writing.  (As opposed to a plotter.  For those of you unfamiliar with this term, plotters plan their writing out beforehand, while pantser just kinda...fly by the seat of their pants.)

A side note: I still haven't found my happy medium with this, judging by the number of WIPs I have been unable to finish.  I am probably actually a plotter, or some delicate mix of the two.  Plantser.  Anyway.

For the pantsers out there: do you ever find yourself absolutely lost in what you're writing?  And not in a good way.  I'm talking, your character just fell from a three-story building, you didn't know that was going to happen, and you suddenly have no idea what to do next.  And you sit down to write, but find yourself on youtube watching videos of giraffes.  Later you sit down to write again, and suddenly you realize that you haven't been writing, you're actually parachuting off the Eiffel Tower!  Silly you.

Sometimes writing is like being a penguin and tripping over the cold, unforgiving snow.

It's hard to keep writing when you lose your grip on your plot.

Unlike my title suggests, I'm not going to give you all the answers to staying on track.  (Sorry, I'm not Dumbledore.  Or Gandalf.)

But I do have one tip.

Write ahead of yourself.

I don't mean the end, or a whole outline - but just write a small scene ahead of the point that you're at.  

It's not really even planning.  It's just deciding something is going to happen there, and tentatively writing it in.  Write the scene out.  Just like, 100-500 words.  

Then go back to your current place and start writing.  You haven't planned out what you're going to write, but now you have a point to right to.  A goal - you must get to that scene, whether it takes one chapter, two lines of dialogue, or half the book.  

This has helped me stop wandering so much as a pantser.  It lets me stay free while at the same time having a direction.  

So next time your MC is bleeding out on the floor and you probably have seconds to decide on a way to save her before she bleeds to death, fast forward a bit.  Save a life or two. (Hers, and yours.)

Are you a plotter or a pantser?  Do you ever get hopelessly lost?  What do you do to keep on track with your plot?  

The Everything Blog

The post's title would probably be a more accurate title for this blog.

I mean, yes, I loosely stick to the writing and book and life themes, but even those are a wide range in themselves!

Past topics on this blog have included:

• squirrels
• acronyms 
• writing
• pilgrims
• poetry
• Myers-Briggs
• heroic sugar bowls (that was waaaay back. don't click on this unless you want to see my 10 year old self writing.)
• guitars and other music
• fangirling
• debates on the stamina of pens
• book reviews (very few)
• chinchillas
• bread.
• road trips
• sabbaticals
• getting stuck in elevators with elephants 

and so on.  

(Heehee, it was fun going through all of those.  I also realized that I've been blogging for 7 years??)

It's not, on first glance, a cohesive list of subjects. 

But they always scream caring-ly at me, "Blog for you! Do it for yourself! Don't let people put you in a box!"

So I did.  And consider yourself screamed at as well.  If you blog, or write, you shouldn't let someone else dictate what you're doing. (See: robot)

But I've also heard whispers that you should keep your blog consistent.  Like, don't be talking about your fascination for tacos and your budding writing career at the same exact time.  

WHAT DO YOU LISTEN TO?

It probably depends on the blog.  Many people do want a blog focused on one or two main things, and that can provide a very nice place for other people who are looking for that exact thing! No sorting through chinchilla posts to get to the book reviews.  

But I ended up with an Everything Blog.  It definitely reflects who I am.  It lets me talk about whatever I want to without shocking my readers.  I'm happy with the variety.  So don't be afraid to run a blog with no set topic!  I don't, and it hasn't sunk my ship yet.

I mean, my BLOG TITLE says this thing is about "Stars", but I don't think I've actually ever talked about stars.  I just like stars, okay?

And finally, I've been thinking a lot about appreciation this week.  So if you're reading this, thank you.  It means a lot that people listen. :) *huggssssss*

What's your opinion of an Everything Blog?  Do YOU have an Everything Blog?  Is your blog secretly trying to become one, without your consent?  

Is there anything you'd like me to post more of (after we just finished talking about how NO ONE CAN CONTROL ME) ;) (I actually am curious though)

"Off My Grass!" The Real Meaning of That Acronym (Series): OMG

Do you ever look at an acronym and just wonder: "What in the world does that mean???!!!??!"  Or maybe you've been told what it means, but long for a deeper meaning than the lame universal one?

This post is for you.


OMG = Olivia's My Gramma

Somehow, this one seems to make a lot of sense?  I'm not sure why?


OMG = Off My Grass!

You probably got this a lot as a child if your neighbor was a stereotypical movie/comic neighbor. 


OMG = Oregon Makes Glitter

I hear it's really high quality glitter, too.


OMG = Oh! Many Goats!

This is what you say when a herd of goats randomly walks down the street.  Or if you're alone in a deserted area, then realize you're not alone...

That's a seriously tough goat who thinks he can take on a car.  *applause*

OMG = Orange Monkeys Gallup

Have you ever seen this?  It should definitely be on your bucket list.  The 19th Wonder of the World, according to some.


OMG = Orangutans Maim Giraffes 

A tragic fluke of nature.


OMG = Objects (of) Mass Gratification

Those things that make you really happy.  Like when you look out the window and you realize it's not the end of the world.  Or when you find chocolate stashed in your winter coat pocket.


OMG = Obfuscating Majestic Gramophones

Those things you find in your attic and they look great but you're not really sure what to do with them.


OMG = Or My Grapes

This is good to use when you are considering eating your strawberries but aren't fully committed to that plan yet.

Well, now you know.

What else could OMG stand for?  Will you be using any of these explanations now?

Off-my-grass, you definitely should.

Guest Post: How Do You Even Blog?

Guest Post!  Lucy is here from Ryebrynn's Random Ramblings with popcorn and some blogging tips.  (Just kidding, I don't think she actually brought popcorn.)  I need a lot of these tips myself!  "Be yourself" is one of the ones I'm working on most at the moment.  Everyone welcome Lucy and go visit her amazing blog!

* * * * * * * * * 

BLOGGING IS HARD. That's a fact. Don't do it unless you're going to actually be invested. People want to read the blogs of individuals that ACTUALLY want to be blogging.

Don't be afraid to self promote. Post on your blog? Write a ten word hook that kind of explains the content and go social media crazy. Share the hook with a link to your blog. Comment on other blogs. Sign your emails and comments and stuff with your name and blog link.

i.e.

Lucy

http://ryebrynnsrandomrambling.blogspot.com/

Know when to call it enough. I know when I told you to be social you probably thought; "I don't want to scare people away." So this is a warning. Know when to call it enough. Sign your comments, emails, and everything with your URL. BUT don't say; "visit my blog!" "please follow me!" The person you're talking to is actually less likely to visit your blog if you specifically tell him/her to.

Stalk other blogs. Follow some cool blogs. Find some that have the same sort of subject as you want your blog to have. Draw inspiration from what they post. BUT DON'T COPY THEM. If there's anything unattractive about a blog, it's plagarism!

Go on Pinterest. Stumped for ideas? Pinterest is the answer. There are hundreds of prompts and ideas if you just search for them.

Blog what you love. I struggled for a long time with blogging until I found the specific sort of blog I wanted. Don't feel pressured to blog about books or to love chocolate or to hate love triangles unless YOU want to. If you don't like your content, then your readers probably won't. They're attracted to what seems truthful to them and they will really believe you if you love what you're talking about.

Ask questions! Are you posting a book review on your blog? Ask your followers what THEY thought of that book. People like bloggers who seem invested in them.

Don't do the "dear readers" cliche. Start your posts like a conversation, not a letter or email (unless that's your style!). This makes the readers feel like you're their dear friend, not some person selling something.

Be yourself. You have your own unique style. Don't abandon that. There's 7.4 billion people in the world. That's enough that you don't have to be something you're not.

Don't apologize. Out of all my blogging years, this is some advice that has stuck with me. I still struggle with it. Remember; your blog is first and foremost for YOU. Post content you enjoy. Even if some people don't like that, someone is out there now looking for your specific brand of blogging.

Ryebrynn is a Kansas born and raised American who lives in Liberia, West Africa. She is a book reviewer for Netgalley, Edelweiss, BloggingForBooks, and Liftuse Publicity Group. She fangirls periodically on her blog, Ryebrynn's Random Ramblings, and is probably insane.

Stalk her on social media!

Instagram: @life_books_cats

Facebook: @lucygracedoesalot (also message me there for free book covers!)

Twitter: @LucyBuller

Pinterest: Ryebrynn Crossblade

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/7141250-lucy/

Which one of these tips can you use the most?  Wasn't the popcorn great? Any other tips?

Glitter and Roses - YouTube Debut!

I've always wanted to be a songwriter.  I start trying to write lyrics often, but never make it all the way.  Usually, I lack inspiration.  And all jokes aside, it's seriously hard to make lyrics and a melody that works with them.  Like, do you write the lyrics first? Or at the same time?  I've never been able to really figure it out.  (Please comment if you have the secret to this precarious art.)  xD

A slightly easier hobby is fan art.  Some time ago, I read a draft of Sierra Abram's "The Color Project", and absolutely loved it.  It inspired, like, all the fan art.  And finally, I had a song idea based off of it.  Let me tell you right now, it didn't happen in a day.  For the last few months I've been working on it for a few hours, then forgetting about it or giving up for a few weeks.  The other day I finally added some harmony and was mostly satisfied.  

I showed it to Sierra and her reaction was priceless.  Made me want to do this kind of thing more often, tbh.  I don't know.  It's just so great to be able to look at someone's art and be inspired by it.  It's kinda like..............seeing an adorable squirrel and subsequently wanting to be an adorable squirrel yourself.  Something like that.  

https://youtu.be/Y3I0zKZcuTc

I think I'll be trying stuff like this more often, now that I've broken the ice.  It's always been a dream of mine to have a Youtube channel.  We'll see. xD

Thanks for listening, and I'd love some feedback!  

Do you write music/have a channel that I can stalk?  Do you do fan art for things you admire, or want people to do fan art for you?  Are you an adorable squirrel?

Q&A: The Harvest of the Questions for an Upcoming Thing

Hello there!  Soon I'm going to be doing a Q&A post with questions from other bloggers, readers and writers!

So....if you have a question for me, comment below!  If I choose a question(s) of yours, I'll link to your blog.  :)  The questions can be serious, funny, random...

What do you want to know?

Voicemail: Folks, Always Name Your Rubber Duckies.

I'm sorry, but Caroline is not here to write a blog post today.  She has been abducted by a suspicious character clothed in black (probably one of her own) and taken to an undesirable place (probably some dungeon she intended for somebody else).

After that, her captor likely proceeded to feed her nothing but a nasty and unsustainable substance resembling food that was meant for long, boring journeys or torture.  If Caroline has not perished by the claw of resident Minotaurs along the way, she will be detained for only a few years - nothing more than she has done those she created.

Do not let this act of revenge worry you, however.   Unruly book characters plague even the best of writers.  Especially the best of writers, in fact, for they typically get you to like their book by causing you to form attachments to their characters, then inflicting damage on anyone you might have remotely been fond of.  In these cases, revenge comes two-fold - from both the characters, and their legions of lovers.

If you have an urgent need to contact Caroline immediately, you may send a message via glass bottle.  Drop it in the Aegean sea, and it should reach her in Crete in about twenty years.

If you need a slightly faster method, her current address is:

00 West Cave By the Wall
APT #5, Labyrinth Corridor
Cestia, Mygyia 234897.7*

This address, however, has changed at least five times a day since she arrived at her undesirable location, so beware of shipping difficulties due to the dreaded "NO SUCH PERSON EXISTING HERE" error.

Her phone number, if it has any signal at the moment and hasn't caught on fire yet, is:

(S-MOL) SEA-SHELL

Call now for a free consultation with a psychic rock!  Only $99.99, and only $99.98 if you let a friend eavesdrop on this once-in-a-lifetime session.

Thank you for so faithfully checking this blog for recent news!  As Caroline's personal assistant, I will wait until she is released from her punishment, and then promptly relay all of your wonderful concerns and comments.

So now you know the real reason Caroline is so inconsistent with her blog posts.  In fact, this is reason most authors seem so repulsive reclusive sometimes.  Character torture. Their past decisions in literary works often catch up with them.  And they do not come bearing donuts.  And they are not adorable penguins (vicious penguins, perhaps).  If you are an author reading this, remember - today is National Be Nice To Your Poor Babies Day.  Probably.

Please leave a message at the sound of the wind whistling like a too-quiet herald of the end of death and the beginning of gentle spring, with your own blogs and foolish writing misjudgments toward characters.  Also include your zodiac sign and the name of your first rubber ducky.**

Thank you.

*sounds of wind whistling like a too-quiet herald of the end of death and the beginning of gentle spring*

swoosh
swoosh


 *Numbers are approximate.  We are not responsible for shipping difficulties due to wrong estimations of the recipient's location.

*If you have the misfortune to never have owned a rubber ducky before, or have been stupid enough to not name your rubber ducky, you may make up an imaginary name at this moment. 

poem // shades

I wrote this a long time ago, over a year ago.  But sometimes words are more powerful the second time through, and this one hit me hard today.

Shades

I can feel the colors of emotions that I’ve never felt

-

Not only happy smiles, because rainbows can’t come without a storm...

But sad smiles that are full of colors I can’t see.

Behind the rainbows -  upside down smiles, still bright in the light of the sun,

An invisible canvas of shades that can’t be described.

But the heart can feel beyond the rays unknown

that shine through sun and rain, though none can know another.

It feels, as if they were its own, the heartache and regret,

the storm-clouds and floods yet unexpressed.

I feel the silences in the deepest hidden shades

that are richer than the whole display.

They say a thousand words and then some

The most important words I cannot say.

-

-

I stand by a rainbow that arches high

but always comes back down,

flickering in shadows cast by the sun,

and I understand -

the small smile full of colors I can feel

when I stop to hear a while.  

Sometimes I Can't Handle a Blog

Sometimes, like in these last few months, I can't handle a blog.  Oops.  :P
I'm also a perfectionist and sometimes I don't write because I can't get it to say exactly what I want to say, in the way I want to say it.  So this is a post of me just talking and not worrying about that stuff.

I've had a really busy month or so, but I'm officially done with my junior year of high school and two weeks into summer.  I'm still trying to unwind from being so stressed, and I think today was one of the first days I really felt like it was summer, so yay!  That's probably why I'm here writing, actually. xD

I'm also freaking out about a conference that's happening in about two weeks.  Writing conference. In Minneapolis.  With HANNAH AND OLIVIA AND KATIE AND AIMEE AND EEEK.  It's going to be the literal best.

I've kinda taken a break from Labyrinth too, but that was restarted again today.  Still handwriting.  Word Count at about 27,000 words!!  About 180 pages in my notebook.  I got stuck cause I got to the middle part, which I never plot out, and consequently get stuck in each time, but I made progress today.  Sierra gave me the idea of plotting out some random/key scenes in the front, middle and end.  So I tried jumping ahead and doing some of that.  It's working well and I'm so excited to get back into it.  I've missed feeling like a writer.

ART ART ART I'M PLANNING ON DOING SO MUCH ART THIS SUMMER.  I'VE ALREADY START SOME.  One of the best things will be decorating this gorgeous guitar that broke at our church recently.  AAACCKKK.

Other dreams for the summer?  Working out more.  Getting my book "The Drawing in of Breath" into a library and a bookstore.  Performing at a First Friday's downtown on a street corner. :)

I've also started READING AGAIN.  Those of you who have known me for years know that I used to read about a book a day, on a good month.  Then, in the last two years, that number has gone down to one or none.  It's TERRIBLE AND CRYING.   But this last month, in the last few weeks of school, I demanded to find time to read and I did.  Now I'm reading about half a book to a whole book a day and it feels SO GOOD.



These are the books I've read this year so far.  13 out of my goal of 60.

How have you guys been doing lately?  What'd I miss?  Have you read any of these books?

*exit Caroline*

Haha, now I probably won't appear for like 58 more months xD

A Very Loud Introvert Post

After finally realizing that life wasn't going to stop and wait for me to write a blog post, I wrote a blog post.

*must get head around the idea that these things don't have to be 17 miles long and be the product of my own sweat and blood*

Right now, it's that time of night that the words are coming very quickly.  A time in which, if I were speaking aloud, it would be hard to tell that I am an an introvert.

I have a few revelations about introvertedness that are begging to be slapped onto a page. Or screen.

I am an introvert.
Easy enough.

Sometimes, introverts don't seem like introverts.  Also common sense.  (And the fact is, no descriptive personality word will ever eternally define a person.  Unless it's like, "human bean" - and even that's iffy sometimes...)

When two like-minded introverts enter into a conversation, they run the risk of becoming temporary extroverts.   Definitely not exaggerating here.  I'm talking like, shrieking, flailing, running in circles, loud arguing, heated debate, possibly exploding.  The possibilities are endless.  Now. Most of phenomena will occur because of a mildly aggressive attachment to a fandom.

I'm serious though.  When I start talking with an introvert friend, we almost always start /actually/ talking - instead of, you know, the "hiding behind a chair talking to the cat who's also and 'introvert'" talking.  We might even *gasp* interrupt each other...

For those of you who are MBTI nerds, two INFJs together can basically take over the world. xD ;)

I like talking about deep stuff.  And I cry as I do it.   So like, I love talking about myself.  Not in a narcissistic way or anything, but just, explaining myself.  It's like a one-sided therapy session with someone else present, an innocent bystander.  And deep stuff. I'd much rather skip over small talk and get to the juicy fandom stuff, the Jesus stuff, all that.

Often, however, as I talk about myself, something that's happened to me, struggles, strong beliefs...I sometimes randomly start crying.  Even with stuff that's not even that significant.  I've never known quite why, but tonight I had an idea....

I have a near-constant dialogue running in my head.  This is almost always fully functional (not to mention impossible to ignore).  BUT. There are some instances in which I forget there is a difference between my mind palace and the outside world...  Like when I'm reading.  (One reason reading is so calming to me - I can forget my own thoughts and just relax for once, enjoy a different world.)

The other is when I'm explaining something, especially myself, my thoughts, etc.  I think this is because when I do that, I have to look inside and bring out pieces to show the other person. In the process, I'm basically talking with my thoughts, instead of letting them get filtered through my mouth. It's weird how I literally forget to worry about their reaction, or have that dialogue going inside, constantly commenting on everything.  I just plow forward break down the walls in order to fully help them understand what I'm trying to say.

To some, this will make no sense. To that one person for whom I've just put into words something they've been trying to figure out for a while, you're welcome.  Let me know who you are.

I'm not sure why it's so important to me that they understand. - other than the obvious "human nature" part of it.  I think another part is that....it helps me understand myself.  When I talk like that, my thoughts are finally able to organize and form a coherent /thing/.  I have revelations as I speak.  (The other way, of course, is writing it down. But you know...the paper doesn't react as expressively as a person does.)  Huh. I wouldn't have necessarily thought that talking aloud would have been the best way for an introvert to solve their deepest, most difficult problems.  But apparently it does.

Premiere Exhibit A: This Blog Post.  Thank you folks.  You've just been the recipient of Caroline's explaining herself to you in order to explain herself to herself.

Now go explain something to another human bean and BE ENLIGHTENED.

Were you that one person who related with all this?  xD  DOES ANYONE UNDERSTAND?  What do you do to understand yourself?  When do you pretend to be an extrovert?

pens need more stamina

Flash post update: Life is dizzyingly busy and my Black Ink Pens are dropping fast.

Writing Labyrinth by hand is really taking a toll on the Black Ink Pen population.

In other news, my friend let me borrow his quill pen and ink, so I am kept occupied. For now.

4 gone in a week. RIP faithful ones.

Anyone else have this problem?

Story Behind the Title: The Drawing in of Breath

You might have heard of our book and wondered about the title.  "It's about breathing?"  "How can you draw wind - it's invisible!"  Hehehe...well, I'm glad you asked. 

Earlier this week, my friend Skyler and I published our first book together, The Drawing in of Breath!  It was quite a wonderful experience.  

Um. Maybe we freaked out. 

Wow, though, this whole process has been great and fun and long and so worth it!  We're really excited to share this one with you.

This book is largely about inspiration.  Most of the poetry and stories contained aren't about it, but the book itself is centered around the idea. 

How many times have you sat and wished for inspiration?

Skyler wrote a blurb for the book: "Breathing. A constant among the living. Inspiration. A craving of humanity. We take these concepts and pour ourselves into them. Breathing in our uncertainties and our insecurities. Exhaling words of promise and assurance. We live in these words. Throughout this book you will find humor and sadness. Security and salvation. Apathy and sympathy. You'll find our hearts and souls spilled onto this paper.  We hope that someone will be inspired."

The Drawing in of Breath is about inspiring others, and it is also about our own inspiration.  Life. Love. Belief. Questions.  

What inspires you?

For a long time, I thought inspiration was something that came in bursts, and sometimes not at all.  It was a spark that ignited my creativity and motivation, something that drove me to stay up late into the night, that made me grip my pen until I couldn't let it go.  

But more often, it was absent.  Elusive.  I'd sit in its not-presence and wait.  It's hard to write without inspiration.  It's hard to make art, or live life, or laugh, without something to inspire it.

And then I read a blog post by the wonderful Emily Tjaden, who showed me the definition of inspiration.

Google it.

The second entry is literally: "the drawing in of breath; inhalation."  What does this mean?  It means that inspiration isn't as fleeting as we often think.

Inspiration, to the human soul...is as natural as breathing.  

It is constantly there with us, the fiber of life, throughout our day.  Inspiration can come in different ways - we may not always feel that wonderful spark - but there is always something to keep us going. 

This life is so vibrant.   So breathe!  Draw in a breath and hold tight to the knowledge that you are and will always be "inspired".  Put the pen to paper, open your mouth, take the book off the shelf - whatever you do to create - and start.  Don't wait for inspiration.  It is already here.  

You can order The Drawing in of Breath for $9.99 here on Amazon: 

 http://www.amazon.com/Drawing-Breath-Caroline-D-Meek/dp/1519163193/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1457749136&sr=8-1&keywords=the+drawing+in+of+breath

Alternatively, if you live in the Kansas City area, let me know you want one, and I'll hand-deliver it next time I see you, signed and all!

Have an inspired week, everyone! :)

Do you ever feel like you're without inspiration?  What inspires you?

When Your Heart Has Fallen Away From Your Mind

I'm going to be very honest.  I've been distant lately.

Unsure.

Tired, stressed...running circles in my head with the questions I have.  Like my friend Carlyn wrote about, I've been feeling passive.  Very shallow in my life.  Physically and mentally exhausted.  Emotionally nonexistent, sometimes. The problem goes deeper - I can't figure out why, and then I don't have enough strength in me to get up and do something about it.  

For a while, I've had an intense internal conflict - good vs. bad.  My mind can't seem to decide whether it wants to be happy or sad.  So I'll sit there, weighing the choices, feeling like I should be happy but not quite wanting to.  

I've been reminded that self-pity can be dangerous.  It's so true, and I suddenly remember how much I feel sorry for myself.  Upset, regretful. Wanting people to see and care. It makes it worse though - it lets the negative side win.  When I let myself think or talk about feeling down, it reinforces those emotions and thoughts.  It's a hard habit to break but I want to try.  Annabel suggested helping others, and she's so right.  I feel most connected to God these days when I'm talking to other people, encouraging them...

I think I've reached the bottom of it, the main problem.  Because my head tells me I'm broken and that it's terrible and tragic.  But my heart won't hear.  It won't choose to care...and I don't know how to piece the parts back together. I believe that's the essence.  My heart has been separated from my head and...I can't breathe.  

The nerves don't transfer things like they used to, and my head can't remind the heart whatever I believe in and love.  I am quite literally broken in half.  Two parts of myself - which one has the strength to fuse everything back together?  Neither, I'd have to say.  Like so often, I think I need help from above.

But here, more questions arise.  Where do I find the voice to call for help?  Where do I find the balance?  Do I even have to call?  Do I just sit here and accept that I'm in a "dry place" and can't feel much right now?  Do I work blindly through until something sparks?  Or do I build a wood stack and wait for lightning to strike?

As I write this, the last option seems the most true.  I need to move.  I can't stay here.  This dark, thin place is not a place for staying.  God, I know I can't light that fire in myself. I can't tie my heart strings back to my head.  Build a wood stack and wait for lightning to strike.  I bring the firewood; make things ready, spend time with you; wait.  You bring the spark.  I just have to trust that the cycles of nature that move mountains can make it rain, too.  

I've also realized that I have made "work" a massive idol.  Homework, self-assigned deadlines, personal projects and goals - they have become my world.  I shed tears over them, worry about them, put my life and heart on hold for them.  Indefinitely?  I've taken this idol and tied it to my heart like an anchor and thrown it into the ocean.  

And it is oh so hard to drag it back up out of the water again.  It's been buried in the sand at the bottom, made normal and engrained in my life, so much that I forget why I do it. Why I keep heaping sand on the pile, keeping the idol secure there in my ocean like it's a lifeline.  But really, it's like I'm throwing dirt on my own grave.  

I must find a way back up.  To get out of this sluggish water, so I can breathe properly again.  Cut the strings, Jesus - tie them back to you.  Call back my heart and my head.

I understand the battle better now.  The constant decision between joy and sorrow.  For my heart and mind have been separated, and I've blocked the glue that's supposed to hold them together.  I thought I could hold my head up, leave it on the surface like a bobber to mark my position, so that everything looked fine - then go exploring with my heart.  I thought I could take a small stroke down into the ocean, away from the light - just for a moment - to see the bottom, to explore.  I guess...I took more than one small stroke.  

Over these months - maybe a year - I've dived down deep.  Found an idol down there and tied my heart to it.  (The glue would stretch, right?)  I sunk lower and lower.  Funny thing was, I thought I was going up.  Perfect grades, good friends, a busy and successful life.  Sounds good.  Healthy.  These are great things.  It was easy to believe that I was going towards the light when I threw my heart at them.  

But ignore the late nights.  Ignore the stress and irritation.  Close your eyes to the tears, because these are just side effects.  Just tiny inconveniences, not long term, that must be overcome.  Until they started to disable me.  Too tired, too stressed.  Working harder to keep up with the "standards".  If I complete my to-do list, I'll finally feel good.  Then I can be happy, carefree.  But until then, just gotta plug through. 

And then I just couldn't. I got to a point where I physically and mentally could no longer maintain the demands I'd built up for myself.  I simply couldn't keep playing the deadly game, courting the idol.  There reaches a point for every human being at which they realize that they are not invincible.  The longer it takes, the harder it hits.  Not that I had exactly been thinking I could do everything....but I hadn't hit a limit yet.  

So my heart finally broke away.  I was so tired, depressed, and without hope.  I'd gotten pretty far down into that ocean before realizing I was going the wrong way.  (And I know I saw it before this point...I just couldn't let go yet.  I didn't have the strength to try to reject the idol.  It was so heavy.)  It was pretty hard to breathe down there.

I think God caught my drifting heart and ripped the string off.  The fake-anchor-idol is beginning to fall away.  And it hurts.  It hurts when he does that. I've been grasping at that still-sinking idol for the last two weeks, even as God pulls me gently back towards the surface.  It's hard to let go of a "life".  But that wasn't a "life" worth living.  

My heart needs to be connected to my head.  I need to have feeling there that matches with my thoughts, that makes sense.  That is deep and rooted in faith.  There will always be battles - both within me and outside - and I want to have my head on my shoulder and my heart nearby.  I don't want to worry so much, work so much...I want to rest more, enjoy more.  Stop letting "work" be my priority.  There is so much more to life...

I learn as I write.  It's one of the main reasons I do it.  My heart is often changed by the end of it.  Earlier in this post I asked God to cut the string.  To light my fire wood with an electric spark. To make it rain, because I wasn't feeling anything and a good rainstorm might feel good to the skin.  I wondered how I could ever find the voice to call out for help, and how to balance waiting and trying.

I think he's already cut that string now though.  The climax of the last few weeks could be equated to the pain and danger a diver goes through when rising back to the surface from a very deep place.  It's dangerous.  If they rise too fast, it could be fatal, so they have to do it in stages.  Life is dangerous.  I've been moving up, back....so slowly, to someplace with more light.  God's started something in me.  I believe he will continue it.  I guess it's time to start swimming now.  

~Love you all! 

Caroline M

What are you anchored to right now? What is God using to call you closer to him?