The Color Project + Aesthetics + Giveaway!

someone plz notice and appreciate my pun

First of all, this book gave me all the warm fuzzy feelings.

I was crying in the first few chapters?!?  Which is weird for me, since most books and movies can't pull a single tear for me.  Spoiler alert: that was the only time I cried.

This book just kinda has a way of reaching over and touching the real things inside of you.

 - song aesthetics -

Strawberry Swing // Coldplay

Sun // Sleeping at Last

You Know Me // Air Traffic Controller

Creature Fear // Bon Iver

(These songs are actually all mentioned in the book! In case you didn't know already, Sierra uses songs as chapter titles, and one of my favorite things was listening to them as I read each chapter. They fit the mood of each chapter perfectly.  Although sometimes I'd love a certain song so much that I'd actually let it keep playing for several chapters.  Then I'd end up in a really happy, fluffy scene, with Over You by Ingrid Michaelson still on repeat, and I'd get really confused. Oops.)

 ♥ Sierra has a Spotify playlist with all the chapter songs conveniently listed out right here: ♥

 https://open.spotify.com/user/1213988137/playlist/1UMxLl56CPMr4Nb7aeppTS

Reading The Color Project resulted in me finding about 564354 new favorite artists. Like Sleeping At Last, Bon Iver...I can't believe I hadn't heard of them before TCP, but a thousand thanks to Sierra for exposing us all to such amazing music.

// stars //
// smiling when you're not sure about anything //
// something aching really, really deep down //
// aggressive glitter //
// kissing // (it's Sierra, so duh.)
// fluffiness. fluffy hair. fluffy feelings. all the fluff //
// this really intense, happy summer vibe //
// paint and feelings all over the place //
// blue //

Obviously, I can't write a review for The Color Project without mentioning a certain blessed boy, so....

LEVI

There, I did it.

And with that, this review is basically complete. I covered Levi, glitter, flowers, kissing, awesome music...what more could you want?  Except I'm gonna give you the normal information too, in case you've been living under a really dense, sound-proof rock and accidentally missed the last six months of screaming about this beauty.

Bernice Aurora Wescott has one thing she doesn’t want anyone to know: her name. That is, until Bee meets Levi, the local golden boy who runs a charity organization called The Color Project.

Levi is not at all shy about attempting to guess Bee’s real name; his persistence is one of the many reasons why Bee falls for him. But while Levi is everything she never knew she needed, giving up her name would feel like a stamp on forever. And that terrifies her.

When unexpected news of an illness in the family drains Bee’s summer of everything bright, she is pushed to the breaking point. Losing herself in The Color Project—a world of weddings, funerals, cancer patients, and hopeful families that the charity funds—is no longer enough. Bee must hold up the weight of her family, but to do that, she needs Levi. She’ll have to give up her name and let him in completely or lose the best thing that’s ever happened to her.

For fans of Stephanie Perkins and Morgan Matson, THE COLOR PROJECT is a story about the three great loves of life—family, friendship, and romance—and the bonds that withstand tragedy.

At 7 years old, Sierra Abrams decided that one day she would publish a book. For over a decade, in between exploring other career options, she kept coming back to that very first dream. Now her life consists of writing books of all kinds… Kissing books, angsty books, killing books, whimsical books, and sometimes books that are all of the above. When she’s not writing, you can find her reading, traveling, consuming sushi, or daydreaming about Henry Cavill. 

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And finally..... 

I'm hosting my first giveaway, for a preordered copy of The Color Project!

Go find me on Twitter @carolinedmeek and follow/retweet the giveaway tweet by 07/12  to enter. International entries accepted too! ☺ 

GIVEAWAY: preorder copy of THE COLOR PROJECT! RT + follow me and @sierraiswriting by 07/12 to enter, INTL okay <3 #giveaway #TheColorProject pic.twitter.com/HCzFFUmf0d

— Caroline Meek (@carolinedmeek) July 5, 2017

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Moral of the story?  Read this book.

Here's all the links so you can buy it before it even comes out! WHICH IS JULY 18 BY THE WAY. Choose your favorite way to buy books - or just preorder a copy from all three of them.  Then you can throw them at your friends.

Amazon // Book Depository (10% off right now!) // Barnes & Noble // Wordery

Go find Sierra and tell her how amazing she is:

Website: https://www.sierraabrams.com/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/sierraiswriting

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/yearningtoread/

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/8436117.Sierra_Abrams

Have you read The Color Project yet? If so, what were some of your favorite songs from the chapter titles? If not...what are you most excited for?

Note: all images in this post (with the exception of TCP's beautiful cover, of course) come from Pexels, an attribution-free source.

Stop Villainizing Productiveness

So, this post is mostly for myself.  It's a nice contrast to my last post, where I talked about taking a darn break.

Now I'm here to tell you...don't take a break.

Sometimes.

It really depends on where you are at the moment.  But today I realized (with the help of my friend Olivia), that I've been making a villain out of my hunger for productivity.  It's kind of a backwards way of thinking, but it goes something like this:

Me: Brain, you're tired.
Brain: I know, but I need to keep working on this!
Me: Ugh you're always working!
Brain: I feel good when I'm productive!
Me: NO. We're taking a break.
*shifts entire mindset to hate any productive or ambitious thoughts*
Brain, after a few weeks of doing this - *has one productive thought*
Me: NO STOP PRODUCTIVITY IS BAD YOU'RE GOING TO NEVER STOP WORKING AND BE MISERABLE AND NEVER SLEEP AND YOU'LL NEVER BE HAPPY.
Brain: But -
Me: nope nope nope we can't think about this productive things so how about we sit on the couch and force ourself to rest cause rest is healthy.

In my head, I categorize a lot of things as productive.  Basically, anything that includes 'self-improvement', furthering my career - writing, reading, editing....etc.

The problem is....those are some of things that I love most in this world.  And somehow, they've become burdens in my mind.  I've started telling myself, every time I get the urge to do something "productive", that I'm being unhealthy and I need to force myself to watch TV or just stare at a blank wall for fifty seven hours.

And almost without fail, this regimen leaves me feeling more exhausted and unfulfilled than before, when I was supposedly "beating myself by being a work-a-holic".  What have I done?

Yes, I'm often a work-a-holic and I need to practice 'still life'.  Yes, I have a tendency to constantly be thinking about the next big thing, and forget to have lunch.  Yes, sometimes I think so much about these things that I end up pouring orange juice in my cereal, putting the ice cream in the FRIDGE overnight and waking up to wonder why it's melted.....

But no, I do not hate all of these things I'm doing.  These are the things I want to do all my life, as a career. I'm going to college to study them.  They encapsulate my hopes and dreams, for goodness' sakes.

I think it's time I find a balance, and stop shying away from productivity like it's the Black Plague.  Maybe I'm been traumatized by the crazy work load and stress from high school, but that's over now and I'm more free than I let myself think.

Even better, I can stop defining things like "productivity" and "rest".  Maybe I rest by editing articles for Project Canvas - or at least, they make me happier than staring at a blank wall and "resting".  I can just do things when I want to do them - I have the freedom to do that, so why wouldn't I?  I can stop comparing myself to people who are fulfilled by other, more seemingly 'restful' activities', and accept that my systems are different.

Ask yourself if you're holding yourself back from just doing the things you love.  Yes, it's good to rest, to be still.  But it's also good to do amazing things when you feel like doing them, and being motivated and excited, rather than berate yourself for "doing to much". Heck, if you feel like doing it, DO IT.  Don't make a habit of condemning productivity when it might be what really brings you to that place of peace and happiness.

Are you also a work-a-holic?  Do you feel like your to-do list is sky high and won't ever come down?  Do you get mad at yourself for 'doing too much'?

Ask yourself if these 'chores' are actually things you love, and reevaluate the significance of productivity in your life.

Still Life

This is for the perfectionists, the work-a-holics, the ones who never stop climbing their mountains. The people who don't think they're good enough yet.  This is even for the people who think they're lazy, 'cause chances are, you're trying too.

I try a lot.

I try to do so many things, then sometimes I realize I'm trying to hard...and I'll try to stop trying.  Which obviously, is also a form of trying.

Sometimes you gotta actually stop trying so much.  There's a balance somewhere in there, between doing too much and doing nothing at all.  That elusive grey area is called living. And it's very important.

Here's a nice list of things we often try to do:
 - Eat better
 - Pray better
 - Be more productive
 - Write more words in a day
 - Go to sleep earlier
 - Wake up earlier
 - Be happier
 - Rest more
 - Read more books in a year
 - Get straight A's
 - Be more nice
 - Get to the bottom of the to-do list, or the TBR
 - Blog regularly
 - Breathe
 - Make lists so we realize what we're trying to do...

Obviously none of these things are bad things to attempt.  However, you shouldn't spend your whole life trying to do something.  Sometimes, you can sit back and realize that today, you accomplished one of those things.  You can sit there for a while, because maybe you've been trying to do that for a really long time.  You can celebrate before you start trying to do something else.

You can also stop trying things for a while.  Give yourself permission to pause the endless cycle of self-improvement, for goodness sakes.  You have permission to just exist for a while.  You just do.  Who told you to base your life around accomplishing things?  Maybe these are all good things, things that often make you happier, but most likely, they also stress you out.  So there's good reason to take a break every once in a while.  Realize that in the end, no one is telling you to do these things.

You are under no obligation from the world to improve yourself.  Improving yourself is going to help...yourself.  So take it slow, and remember that sometimes 'doing nothing' is a step forward too.

- still life is art too - 

Love you guys!
- Caroline

What have you been trying to do lately?  Do you ever celebrate your progress for more than a moment?  (Who caught the Dear Evan Hansen reference?)

The Five Phases of My Writing Life

It seems that I fall into phases of writing. Inspired, uninspired...and lately, it's been the later, which is painfully, always.  But I'm noticing more distinct patterns as well.  Here we go...

* * *

0. This wasn't originally the first step but I added it here and was too lazy to change the numbering soooo we have a zero now.  Writer's block. Oh dear.  This terrible phase seems sometimes like the constant existence of my writing life.  It lasts between a few weeks to 3-4 months before I can get through it sometimes, depending on how busy and stressed I am.

Only way I really know how to get out of it is to be really inspired by something like a movie (For me, I have special movies for this that have previously inspired great things - August Rush, The Age of Adaline, Lion, Hidden Figures, and a few more) - that's for temporary inspiration. To really get out of this phase, I usually have to muster up enough strength to begin Phase 1. Music like Sleeping At Last is amazing for writing motivation as well.

1. Getting into the writing routine.  This is where I'm suddenly motivated and make a bunch of plans that I may or may not keep beyond the second day.  Stuff like "write twenty minutes a day" (which I did all of 2015), "write a sentence a day" (which is my goal for this year), or read a random poem each day (tried to do that once).  Practicing writing in this routine is super important. Usually it's stuff totally unconnected with my actual main writing project, but it helps the writing muscle stay fit and keeps my gears turning, lets my writing loosen up so when I actually write, it comes out easily and more free.

This is where I am right now - on the first day of this phase.  I got a book for my graduation party, "3 A.M. Epiphany" by Brian Kitely, and it's already amazing. Short writing exercises. It's gonna be great.  This phase usually lasts anywhere from a week to a few months before the next phases start happening and honestly, these writing exercises and routine should be kept up throughout every single phase in order to keep writer's block away.

2. Starting to work on the main project again.  Here, I start finding interest in whatever precious novel I'm writing again, and it's great.  It's usually really slow. This is brainstorming and writing a little bit every other day. Gathering steam for the near future. This usually lasts somewhere between a week or two or a month.  Any longer and it usually slips into writer's block again.

3. Novel writing explosion.  This amazing phase where you're writing hundreds or thousands of words every day and you're in love with your story and the world is light and beautiful.  This is passion and energy and talking about it constantly to your family and friends and trying not to rant too much on social media for fear of letting too much out at once and losing steam. This usually lasts one to two weeks for me before I start falling off...

4. Fading away back into writer's block.  You get busy or life happens or you just lose steam. This is accompanied by fear - fear that you won't get back up after this blow, or that the staleness will become permanent. Writer's block is scary is you see it as potentially "forever".  In reality, though, it will always be temporary, so push through it like any other obstacle in life. Your passion must be greater than the dulling lack of color that seems to be imposed on your brain. And it will be.  This phase always leaves.

(5.)  Phase Five is this random poetry phase, that comes during a writer's block phase, or in the middle of another phase, or between.  I'm almost constantly writing poetry. Mostly when I'm upset or have an overflow of emotions that need to be taken out of their chamber, untangled, and put back again.  This phase sometimes brings about three poems a day, or daily poems, etc. At the end of it, I often find myself wondering how I'll ever write a poem again, because it seems I've written every single one that will ever exist. But after a while of recharging and cycling through the other regular cycles.....there's always more subject matter, in the end.  The poems always come back.

* * *

So those are the five (technically six because I changed the stupid numbering but anyway false advertising never hurt anyone right) writing phases I seem to go through.  A circle of inspiration that comes and goes, often painfully slowly, but at least there is comfort in knowing that I'll always eventually end up back at the peak.  The energy is always there somewhere and you can work towards it.

* * *

What phases do you go through in your creative processes?  Are they similar to mine, or am I just a weird penguin?  Are your writing phases dictated by circumstance, emotion, etc.?

Senior Year Recap!

So it's been a long couple of months, involving few blog posts, much progress with Project Canvas, and the end of the jail that has been high school!  I'm finally finished with classes, and I officially graduate in three days.  Thank goodness for that.

The last four years have been a huge struggle, but even as I'm wrapping it all up, I still realize that many of the hardest things were what taught me the most.  I learned how to deal with stress and a truckload of other unappetizing emotions....how to get homework done after procrastinating for way too long, balance my schedule (maybe I still need to work on that one...) and prioritize the things I really care about.  In the end, I love the friendships I made, and I'm proud of what I accomplished. I have little regrets, other than often being too stressed to enjoy life in the way I'd like to.  Some of the highlights from this year?

YWKC + BOOK!

 - Publishing Alone, I Sonder with the YWKC club!  300 pages, our biggest anthology yet. :)
 - Being accepted to the University of Iowa and receiving their Presidential Scholarship.  I can't wait to go this fall.  I'll be studying Creative Writing.
 - Being voted Most Valuable Member of my beloved choir.
 - Surviving the abominable IB program and all the exams it entails.
 - The Sister Act musical I did with our theatre program!
 - Being a part of the Louder Than a Bomb team we started this year
 - SEEING HAMILTON IN CHICAGO
 - ^ Can't follow that with anything, thus here ends the highlights.

LTAB TEAM

I made a lot of progress on my current WIP, Blue Black, and sporadically wrote poetry.  In essence, this year was full of the arts, and I liked it that way. I narrowed down my interests, while at the same time branching out into the arts and growing more confidence both on the stage and in myself.

However, I was also metaphorically drowned by school work and stress, so it's going to take a while for my creativity to recover enough to start seriously writing again.  But even in that past few days of being FREE, I feel incredibly better.  I've been working out every morning, for the first time in months, and feeling a lot more positive.  This summer is already wonderful.

LAST CHOIR CONCERT!

It was a whole lot of "lasts", in the past few weeks.  Last choir concert, writing club meeting, theatre banquet, LTAB event.  The last time I'll walk into my teachers' rooms as their student.  But definitely not the last time I'll find amazing people to love and do awesome stuff with, and not the last time I'll learn amazing things and grow so much.  Not the last time that I'll be able to impact people, and be impacted right back.

Beginning of senior year VS. end of senior year:

Hopefully I'll be around the blogging world a lot more now, so I look forward to talking with you all!

Love,
Caroline :)

PS  (No little hearts cause Blogger yells at me every time I try and make a keyboard heart. -.- But I promise I love you all.)

Update - I found the little hearts, thanks Olivia Fisher xD

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤💖💘💙💚💜💛💝❣❤♡  MWAHAHA SO MUCH LOVE.

Dear World, Your Words...

Your words are not your history
Dear world
You are not writing your own story
Do not spend time looking for the typos in your letters
Or wondering if what you have to say is worth
the breath it takes to shout it across the void
Shout it anyway
Dear world
You are not a mirror
You are not in charge of reflecting reality exactly as you see it
Metaphors, you see, are beautiful, warped versions of your sunsets
They are flawed renderings of what we find buried under the ocean
When we dream
Dear world
When you dream,
Do not stop to think about where your wings might take you
You are not at risk of falling
You are not at risk of failing
Dear world
Please believe me when I say that
You are beautiful without your success
Your galaxies were never dependent on the creative air washed from your lungs
Or yesteryears gathered from amoung your weary stars
You will not be determined by the series of tomorrow's that awaits you
Dear world
Your words are not your history
You will not be remembered by the lost battles between your pages
You are not writing your own story
You are living it
Dear world
Your breath - your sacred respiration of symphony and color - has set the planets into motion
Your universe is spinning and doubt cannot govern your sunrise
Do not spend time looking for the typos in your letters
Or wondering if what you have to say is worth
the breath it takes to shout it across the void
Shout it anyway
Dear world
Your words are beautiful.

Inspiration Sought Me Out

Sometimes
You are given words because you've been searching for an answer for so long,
and the only way you're ever going to listen is if God places the words
in your heart and lets you write them out yourself.

Sometimes
You are given words because the person sitting next to you has been drowning
for the last few days and your words are the only thing that can
speak life into their hurting heart.

Sometimes
You are given words because the inspiration has settled in
to your neighborhood, sought you out, and perched on your
front door step until you grant it wings by acknowledging its existence.

Sometimes
You are given words because you asked
how you could change the world.

Sometimes
You are given words because you have everything to say
but nothing with which to make the thoughts come true
other than your black ink on the paper.

Sometimes
You are given words because somebody in the heavens
wanted you to give a second life to
every beautiful thing that He breathed beauty into.

Sometimes
You are given words so you could let them stir
in your mind for ages, just hanging in the air,
and soak in the eternity of possibilities written there.

Introducing PROJECT CANVAS

Dear friend.....

You have a message to share with this world.  Whether it's some much-needed inspiration, or technical advice for writing the perfect villain, or the fluffiest ship ever, you know something about this process we call writing.

It doesn't matter if you've been writing for 8 days or 8 years - wherever you are in life, you've had experiences that qualify you to speak. To write.

Aaaaaaand without further ado, it's time to announce a huge new project - *WILD DRUMROLL*

Project Canvas is something I've been brainstorming for months now, and it's finally ready to be pushed out into the world.  Right now I'm sitting in a coffeeshop, surrounded by people who are probably wondering why I'm smiling and practically rocking back and forth with excitement.  I don't think the large coffee helped either....

This is an international, collaborative writing project that will result in a book of writing inspiration and advice for fellow writers.  Everyone has an expertise in writing, and this is an opportunity for you to share yours with the world!

 

The process is simple.  Check out the website, choose from one of, like, 100 different topics (or make your own), and contact me to reserve it!  Each article should be about 200-2000 words long. Our timeline is pretty flexible and long term, so we'll be accepting articles/mini-chapters until summer of this year, around May/June 2017.  The tentative release date for the book is January 2018.

My favorite thing about this project is the fact that it's going to involve so many people from so many places.  The blogging/writing community is so extensive and reaches all around the world, so this book is going to include beautiful and incredibly helpful writing advice from people you've maybe known for years - like Hannah White, Katie Erickson, Olivia Rogers, Carlyn Ross, and Kristana Aleman - as well as amazing people you've never met before!  A conglomeration of knowledge and passion from some of your favorite people, about your favorite topic - writing!

It's also a great way to be exposed to a greater network of people, as Project Canvas will be promoted nationally and internationally on people's blogs and social media.  There will be opportunities to participate in a blog tour and get your name out there.  Let me know if you're interested in being involved beyond just writing an article - such as helping with promotion, editing, etc.

Link to our website: projectcanvasbook.weebly.com.  Also, Hannah's post about #PC: "Embrace Your Differences".

Also, spread the word by telling all your writerly penguin frens to join us in our mission to inspire the writing community!  Post about this on your beautiful blogs and share /all the things/ on social media.  Feel free to use all the graphics in this post. :)

I can't wait to hear what you all think, and to get this project off the ground!  It's been a dream for so long.  Now, I just have to push it out of the window and hope to goodness that the parachute opens and we start flying.

~Caroline Meek

What message do you have for the world?

Hidden Figures (the movie) // poetry

The best things in life always inspire me to write poetry. 

I came out of that movie with words practically dangling from my fingers. 

I've always been told I can do whatever I can dream up, and for the most part, I haven't needed much convincing. 

But maybe I need to do some more dreaming, because lately, I've felt the boxes closing in on me. 

I can do whatever I dream, but what can I do if I'm not dreaming? If I refuse to even shut my eyes for a moment, imagine the universe?

I want to dream. 

I want to hang my hopes on the stars and believe I can actually follow them up there someday. 

I want to love freely - to wear my heart on my sleeve - no, to wear it as my entire coat. Warm and enveloping everyone around me, without the fear that it isn't my jacket to wear. Without letting myself freeze or worrying that someone will take it away. I want to love myself. I want to love, to ignore the faces my mirror makes at me when I try to stand up, and unwind the clock until time does not exist. 

I want to find the hidden figures in the sky, those beautiful wandering souls with stories that have been swept under the carpet when they really deserve to be named as constellations and set into orbit. I want to hear their words, because they are a part of who I am, too. 

I want to keep discovering this language, the bridge between my heart and the world, until the words bend in my hands like metal heated right up to to the verge of its melting point. I want them to come out like birds flocking to a telephone pole - electric, feathers flying, a strong clear message. 

I say I'm a dreamer. I stand in front of the mirror everyday and tell myself I am alive and thus have great giant wings that span the width of all my problems.

I still forget to jump, though. I seem to be forever caught in the hypothetical confidence that I've gotten so good at. I believe in the possibilities. And then I never ask myself to try one of them out. 

When I walked out of that movie theatre, I had a rare moment of belief beyond my mundane dreaming. 

I believed that I could truly be anything I wanted to be. I believed that I was who I wanted to be.

Do you believe in yourself?  What do you dream of?  Have you seen Hidden Figures yet?  

Happy New Year's! (And Blog Anniversary!) (Definitely a week late oops)

Do you know that awkward feeling when you're supposed to write something and it should be super easy because hey, you're a writer!, but there's extra pressure because you want to make it special (what, it's not like it's the last day of the whole year or anything) - so you spend the whole next year trying to think of how to start it?  

*goes on Twitter 'cause procrastination*




Ooh look, that's conveniently something I wanted to talk about.  Thanks, Twitter.  

I've recently realized that I spend a dramatic amount of time working toward a goal, and a inconsequential period after celebrating the moment when I reach it.  We work so hard towards the things, so especially now, when we're making resolutions with determination...let's celebrate the old year as well.  Don't forget how far you've come.  Sure, there will always be things to keep improving on, but dear friends, you've already come so far.  Stop and smell the blooming flowers you've already planted.

A few of my highlights from this year!

• My book with Skyler Barnes, The Drawing in of Breath, was published in February!  This is so far my most favorite and personal piece of work.
• A few months later, my high school writing club finished up our anthology, Silver Lining, and we published that as well!
• I discovered Hamilton and well, umm, that should have been at the top of this list. xD
• I began to learn the value of struggling and saw positive results rise out of pain.  Many of these problems now, instead of seeming completely invasive and totally controlling, have been reduced to 'just another mountain to climb', which is a much nicer way of thinking about them.
• I got accepted into some colleges, and offered some scholarships!

My top posts were The 11 Stages of Writing a Poem, Carrie Fisher, and Potential is Not A Number

I wrote 33 posts, which is this blog's record!  xD  I am quite a spontaneous little blogger, haha.

Also, it is worth noting that this marks the SEVEN-year anniversary of my blog!  I remember very vividly that New Year's Eve, 2010, my dad took my upstairs to the computer and helped me make my first blog.  (Let it be noted that after that point and over the next few years, I became rather blog-happy and now have fourteen random blogs of varying privacies, most of which have never really been used.)  First post was titled HAPPY NEW YEAR, in which I told the whole world I would be posting "stories, articles and other things that I write", and started a debate about whether to say "twenty-ten" or "two thousand and ten". I was an excitable little one.  So, happy anniversary!  I'd have a giveaway, but, umm, I don't really have anything of worth to give away at the moment.  *clutches and strokes precious books*

* * *

Anyway...on to 2017!  (Forgive me if this posts grows longer than the list of things you're procrastinating doing right now.)

Last year (yeah, jk, I'm not ready to leave 2016 yet.) I choose a word for the year.  It was love. Looking back, I can see how that word has been a theme, in quite a few different ways.  I met a lot of new friends. I went deeper into old friendships.  I learned to love myself more.  I began to discover my passion for loving strangers and writing for them. This year, I have a sentence instead of a word (cause I'm a rebel and writer and word count minimums are hard for us).

I saw this quote in a store window a few weeks ago, and it really stuck with me.  This year, I want to really, fully live.  I don't want to get stuck in the past or the future, worrying about things.  Instead, I want to recognize that I'm alive and act like it.  Appreciate every color and movement and song lyric.  For too long, I've gone through my days like a machine, trying to get the day over with, until I realized that I'm not really living.  This year, I hope to become both more enthusiastic and aware of the life that I have.

My New Year's Resolution!

I'm going to write at least one (creative) sentence every day.  Obviously, this doesn't seem like very much, but lately, I haven't even been doing that much.  A long time ago, I successfully completed a resolution to write 20 minutes a day.  I ended up doing it for 500 days straight and learned so much, but eventually the pressure of sitting down for a whole 20 minutes made it too much of a chore to be beneficial anymore.  

My logic is that writing one sentence will pose little threat to my time, and after doing it for a few weeks now with two of my besties (we started mid-December), I've found that if I write one sentence, more follow.  It's that first sentence that's the hardest, but if you can find a way to get yourself to do that, you can keep going.  The sentences multiple like little bunnies. So adorable.  

Also, since I'm putting so little pressure on myself, everything that I write beyond that one sentence is technically bonus, and it feels pretty good.  Attainable goals are the best.  After doing this for a while, I am finally starting to feel like a 'writer' again.  It's been a while that I've been able to have the discipline of writing at least a little each day, and it is wonderful.  I'd definitely recommend this to anyone, especially if you need a boost of motivation, or a way to get into the habit of writing daily.

What are your New Year's Resolutions?  Are you living fully right now?  What did you accomplish last year?  :)  Let me know in the comments!

The Cycle of Habits

I've been thinking about habits a lot recently.  Habits I've slipped into, habits I need to change, this vicious cycle that often keeps me at a low point.  There seems to be a cycle within these habits.  You kinda slip into them without realizing it, and they just become more and more a part of your life until you realize that they aren't habits you should have.  Negative thoughts, too much junk food, sleep deprivation...

In this time of year, when many things are changing, you might be thinking about the past - your younger (maybe better) self, all those memories of how things used to be.  Maybe you're glad they're gone, or maybe you want them back.  We realize quite suddenly that we're not quite where we want to be.  We realize we want to change, and right now, with so many beginnings and endings, seems like a great time to try it.

So we make a plan and try to change everything.  A revolution.  A complete 360. A flurry of promises thicker than the snowflakes (unless you're in Kansas with me, then there's a 50% chance it's actually sunny 63 degrees out.).  Resolutions that may be better suited to all our lives instead of this upcoming year alone...

I want to tell you - you don't have to change it all at once.  When you get to that moment of realization, everything becomes clear and you want to instantly fix it all.  But we don't always have the strength to make all of those life changes at once - remember, those habits are habits because they've built up consistently over time.  You may be super motivated at first, but if you spend all that energy right away, spread out over a bunch of new things, you'll likely run out of resolve before any new habits are really formed.

I read a book recently, "Like Water for Chocolate", that gave a good metaphor for this.  The idea was that we all have matches inside of us, matches that can be lit by various things.  However, it said that if we light them all at once, the fire will be too intense for us to handle.  So this week, when you're thinking about resolutions and changes in your life, don't try to change it all at once.  Significant change takes significant dedication and time.

It's okay to take baby steps.  You don't have to fix it all immediately.  Take it easy, or you might burn out too fast.  Find something (especially something that might affecting everything else), and attack it first.

For me, this has been sleep.  There are a lot of bad habits I'm trying to change right now, but I've realized that being so tired is making all the other things worse.

So, don't put too much pressure on yourself.  :)  Make those resolutions, and let them build on themselves throughout the year.  Make them manageable goals that don't overwhelm you on the first day.

How are you thinking of this new year?  What are some habits you're trying to change?  :)  

Carrie Fisher

Carrie Fisher

(tribute inspired by this amazing actress)

Who do we ask permission to follow our dreams?

Is there someone in charge of the stars that light our galaxies?

No, that fire is inside of us.

It's waiting for us to realize its shy, welcoming existence.

Waiting for the day we accept our own ability and dare to ignite.

That is the day where we stop letting the world drown us in its shallow water

and start swimming out to sea.

In the end, then, it becomes a quest for oneself.  

What is your purpose in life?  

What have you lost in the depths of your own identity, and when will you find it again?

It is waiting for you to find it.

But you will not find the answer in the empty words of these seven continents.

The world will tell you it isn't safe to ride a shooting star into the deep space of your heart

and let it envelop you.

They tell you not to let the ocean sweep you away -

But they forget to mention that they're drowning you too.

Compared to the fear this world tries to instill within you, your oceans are tame.

But at the same time, your waters are the most deep, fierce bodies you could ever drown in.

I think that, in this life, we get to choose what drowns us.

Maybe you don't yet know how to swim,

but stepping out into the waters you've always longed for?

It's not as deadly as the world would like you to think.  

The real danger is on the shore, where you risk drowning

in fear

in regret

that you never washed your soul in courage and discovered that you might just float out there.

The real danger is forfeiting your chance to choose

and defaulting to a mindless life.

What good is a head above water  

if underneath the waves, that head isn't connected to anything?

The real danger is letting them convince you that water isn't supposed to be wet.

They will tell you that

you're supposed to go through life's oceans without ever falling and getting drenched.

No.

This goes beyond fantasy - even science says your feet will get wet.

Stop.

Let the waves carry you to freedom

Set your eyes on the burning horizon and let the future give you a new hope

for the dreams you've carried so long.

You yourself are the stars and when you realize this,

your sky will be brighter than ever before

and not even the shifting tides can change that.

Sonder, A Word For My Heart

Sonder, my favorite word.

I stare at the faces of the people walking past, the people sitting next to me, the people smiling at me....

And I sonder.

They say that this feeling is a realization, but it is more than that.  I do not merely see the people around me.

I feel what they feel.  I understand their fears and hopes.  I recognize their humanity when they glance up at me for a moment, then quickly look back down.  I hear myself when they tell me their stories. The strangers in the streets may be strangers, but they are not so strange to me.

I sonder, wondering if anyone sees me - really sees me.  Am I as transparent as all these wandering faces?

I cry their tears for them, pick up the dreams they leave on the sidewalk behind them and try to find wings that fit.  I wish I could shield their souls from life's thunderstorm, I wish I could dry their tears a breathe silence into their heads.

To sonder is to place yourself in their shoes and walk their path with them.  I wish I could do it for them.  I wish I could do more than merely walk beside them.  I would trade places if I could.

No, to sonder is not merely to realize that there are other people out there in the world.  To sonder is to love those people so deeply that you feel they are all pieces of your heart.

~ cdm

Potential is Not A Number

My friends, there are different kinds of potential, and you must not confine yourself to one alone.

Most people are driven by parents, teachers, and society in general to the potential that looks wonderful on paper.

"I'm ranked #3 in my class right now."
"I have a 4.26 GPA."
"If I keep this up, I can hopefully get into Stanford!"

This kind of potential is great, right?  Usually associated with "genius, top student and 'going places'", this is the potential that you're either proud of (if you are that person), or spend a lot of time wishing for.

We are constantly pushed to reach this potential.

"If you can do it, why don't you?"
"Look at all she's done.  She's gonna accomplish so much."

This kind of potential is basing everything on this society-determined formula for an American Dream-type success.  Stats, performance, exceeding the 'average person'.  The goals, whether or not professed?  Usually something along the lines of:

In highschool:
Good grades, so good college

In college:
Good grades, successful major, so good job

Beyond:
Good job, so money and security, family

From an early age, people with this kind of potential are identified.  Along each step of their life, they are pushed to keep reaching high levels of success.  They are told to constantly challenge themselves.

"You had straight A's all through kindergarten!  You're gonna do great in 1st grade."
"You've qualified for the Gifted Program, we want to prepare you for a higher level of achieving."
"Don't take that class, it's too easy for you.  Drop the fluff classes and take all honors, challenge yourself. You can always do art as a hobby at home."
"You can totally handle all honors classes - you're wasting your potential if you don't take them!"

It's awesome if you have these qualities.  Good grades, challenging classes and financial security in the future are all awesome, amazing things.  Don't stop trying hard, doing your best.

But if all we do is constantly challenge ourselves for a future that is always two steps ahead of ourselves, what are we really doing?  Often the education system seems to be a petri dish of competition. Competition against ourselves, each other, and society.

Friends, there are multiple kinds of potential.

What we started telling children that they have the potential to change the world with their smiles?
What if we told them that their kindness is the most precious asset they have, not that 32 on the ACT?
What if society recognized that a good grade card isn't always a good reflection of individual growth?

Because isn't that what a challenge is for?  To grow someone in some way?

And it should be clear that there are far more ways to do that than taking the hardest classes possible from kindergarten through college.  Imagine.  Someone could be challenged by talking to someone from a vastly different background than them.  They could be changed by seeing a work of art that finally acknowledges something they always felt alone in feeling.  You can find a challenge in a blade of grass.

And yet here we are, too often attributing the highest worth to a series of letters on a paper denoting that a student has successfully completed the requirements for a course deemed 'challenging'.  

I have a personal story to complement my point.  I have been told many of the things quoted above throughout my life - either by friends, teachers, parents, or even my own brain.  (My own brain has actually adopted this 'academic potential' motto and constantly reminds me).  But as I've had to start trying to decide on a college to attend, I've had to redefine potential in my mind, and realize the infinite possibilities for different kinds of challenges.

I went to a very challenging high school.  I took the hardest classes available, and pushed myself to get A's in all of them, 4 years straight.  Senior year, and I'm finishing of the International Baccalaureate (IB) program.  My GPA is 4.26 and my class rank is #3.  32 ACT.  These are great things, and I'm proud of them.  However.

However.  I believe I lost sight of some more important things along the way.  One of my main justifications for choosing the classes I did was because I knew I could succeed in them.  My mindset was, "I can feasibly do well in college calculus.  I'd be lazy if I didn't enroll in it."  And so I went through high school this way.

This year, as I've made the choice to focus on my passion (writing, art, theatre) in college rather than a more financially-secure career path, I've questioned some of my past decisions.  Those challenging classes, while certainly beneficial, forced me to stop almost all writing and art.  I have rarely had time to do any of the things I love and wish to pursue the rest of my life.  I have been so stressed and tired that I've neglected my family and God.  So while I have perfect grades, I've sacrificed a lot.

When I choose a college, I don't think I want to do the same thing all over again.  The hard thing is that I know I could continue with this path and go on to the next level.  Every time I consider a more casual, less-prestigious college, my brain kicks in and says, "Caroline, no.  You'd be wasting all that potential!"  I feel bad choosing something less "prestigious", when I've already reached that level.  Lazy, my brain says.

But honestly, I'd only be choosing a different potential to pursue. And also, it's not wasted!  I still have everything I've learned from that path in my life. Now, I want to cater to my potential as an artist and writer, rather than an Ivy-League top student, because the latter has never been my passion or goal in life.

I've come to the realization that there are multiple kinds of potential.

Challenging yourself by going deep into art and growing as an artist is no less worthy a challenge than all honors classes.  There's so much potential there.

Dedicating 20 hours a week to working on your novel is a huge challenge with so much potential to grow in thought and creativity and technique.

You, my friend, have the potential to be a dreamer.

You have the potential to be someone who changes someone's life with a few words.  Or many words.

You have the potential to be so happy and peaceful.

You have the potential to make amazing friendships.

Potential is not about reaching the highest number on a scale.  No.  The most important things cannot be measured in numbers.  

Perhaps, potential is about fulfilling who you were meant to be.  For some people, that is the academically-driven person whose dream is to go to Harvard and be the top in their class.  But some, they are artists whose dream is to sit for hours alone in a tree dreaming up their next magnificent work.

These people should not have to be judged by the same standard for success.  These potentials, these purposes, are beautiful in their own way.  We should be allowed to pursue them with the same passion, without shame.  Without feeling we are slacking for not holding class rank on a pedestal above our heads and hearts.

These people should not be told find a 'real job, or you won't succeed in your life'.  Artists shouldn't feel guilty for spending time on and prioritizing their art.  Success, my friends, depends entirely on what you're chasing after.

I am not saying we should totally ignore one form of success, because academics are important.  Stay in school, kids.

But Albert Einstein once said, "Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."

The fulfillment of your potential is not determined by a universal standard set by society.  You are much more than a number.  

~ CM

The 12 Stages of Writing a Poem

The 11 Stages of Writing A Poem

(best done after midnight)

1. I'm never going to write a poem again, I've exhausted all sources of inspiration.  *cries*  #thereisnohope  #preparethefuneralpyre

2. *takes a shower*  *seven seconds later* OH MY GOSH IS THAT INSPIRATION CALLING?  Wat wat wat is this I haven't had an idea in years HELLO DARKNESS MY OLD FRIEND oh no quick gotta write this down before it leaves BUT WAIT WHY PINEAPPLES?  Are they even relevant ACK NEVERMIND DON'T QUESTION THE INSPIRATION oh my gosh why did I choose to shower at this ungodly hour where's a towel *writes 7 complete stanzas and spends next 5 minutes frantically repeating them to not forget *RUNS TO COMPUTER*  *yells at wifi for not immediately working*  *opens a doc* it's 2am? who cares?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?  FOLKS WE'RE BACK IN BUSINESS #theinspirationalqualitiesofrunningwater  #dontcomplainitsinspiration  #sacrficeeverythingforinspiration

3. Ummm - wat is "Title"?  #confused #nevermindinspiration

Also speaking of titles I just really kinda want to find this book and read it???

should have subtitle: "A Writer's Search History".

4.  forget the title ON TO THE FUN STUFF oh my oh my it's coming so quickly MUST GET IT ALL DOWN  *forgets brilliant line from shower musings and cries*  *still remembers like four stanzas*  #racinginspiration  #brainisweird

(I'm the cow, chasing inspiration)  #beinspiredlittlecow

5.  At this point we're stopping after every two words written and reading, starting from the top, everything we've written so far in a dramatic voice with emotional gestures  #soundsgoodsoundsgood  #spokenword

6.  THIS IS. THE MOST BRILLIANT. THING. ever.  *reads it all again* *gives self chills*  hmmmm I should make those business cards after, this is gonna be BIG.  THIS IS MY BEST WORK EVER.  #icanseetheheadlines  #amazing

7. just past the half way point MAY DAY MAY DAY this is sounding forced oh no the inspiration is fading away WAIT WHAT IS THIS POEM ABOUT - PINEAPPLES??!?  you call yourself a writer?  what ever are words?  *goes to facebook to complain and tell the world how she's going to have to use pinterest to get inspiration again*  *goes to pinterest to get inspiration* each word takes an hour and a century  #justkeepswimming  #distractions

8.  rhythm is back, reality still present though, can't tell if genius or "totally lacking theme/style/rhyme/meter/meaning/emotion/words/purpose".

9.  oH MY GOODNESS HOW DO YOU END A POEM  #howdoyoulandaplane  #famouslastwords

10.  #untitledisavalidtitle  #itstrue

11.  DONE.  *sighs in contentment/relief/pride/nervousness*  *READS FROM THE TOP AGAIN*  very proud, quite realistic now, but hopeful.  *must find someone to show but scared  #whatifitstoobad  #whatifitstoogood

12.  INSPIRATION STILL REIGNS.  An hour or two later:  *uses leftover inspiration steam to write  a great blog post about the experience/writing/something random like squirrels*  #musefinallysatisfied  #iwillneverbesatisfied

#repeat


..............This is basically how writing poems goes for me every time.  I don't usually ask for them, they just come.  Usually late at night, and usually when I'm in the middle of something.  It's a wild ride.

What about you?  How does inspiration sweep your off your feet, and what does your process look like?

Announcement: Writing Workshop!

Exciting writing-related news...

I'm super excited to announce that I will be teaching a writing workshop, starting this Wednesday!  This will take place at the Main Branch of the KCK Library, at 2pm, and is open to all teens.  While excited and totally honored, I'm also nervous!  I've had experience leading a group from the high school writing club I started a few years ago, but this feels like a new step up.

My goal is to bring teen writers in our community together, share our work and help each other improve.  Many people think of writing as a solitary mission, but in all honesty, community is so good for writing.  It's inspiring and encouraging to be around people who share the same passions as you, and to be hearing new material - you learn so much from other writers.

At the workshop, we will do a variety of things, including reading and workshopping our work, talking about specific writing techniques, and spending time actually writing ('cause you know, most of the time we spend "writing" is probably actually something closer to Pinterest and Netflix).

*my brain brainstorming for this thing*

First topic: writing with emotion.

If you live in the Kansas City area, I hope you'll join us!  I'm super excited to meet new writer friends. :)

- Caroline Meek

Do you go to a writing group?  If so, what kind of things do you do? (Help me, I need inspiration-food for this big new thing)  What's the biggest step/risk you've taken in your writing journey?